The Mormfongs
by CuttlefishRock
Summary: Following the Marauders from First Year through to Seventh. Canon, with some quirks of my own inventions.
1. At least you're on top of the world

**The Mormfongs **

**Hi there! This story will follow our beloved Marauders from First Year through to the end of Seventh Year, following canon with some quirks of my own. Hope you like it!  
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_Reach for the stars, and if you don't grab them, at least you're on top of the world_

(-)_  
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He was entirely too thin.

He had a twitchy, enigmatic smile.

His hair was neither too long, nor too short. It was at the length that it fell artfully into his eyes, tickling his cheekbones and chin, but was too short to be tied back properly.

Remus Lupin was something of a mystery to his dorm-mates, ever since they first met on the Hogwarts Express.

Sirius Black and James Potter met in a compartment, and had instantly recognised a mischievous kindred spirit in the other. And so, they began to play a game to pass the time: Guess The House.

They pressed their noses to the window of their compartment door, and watched their fellow first year students walk past, and guessed which House they would later be placed in.

"Eurgh. My second-cousin. He'll be in Slytherin," muttered Sirius, disdainfully.

James grinned.

A pudgy boy with wispy blonde hair walked past, looking utterly confused.

"Hufflepuff," James and Sirius chorused together, before erupting into laughter.

A skinny boy with a quill tucked behind his ear walked past their door, stopped, and sat down in the corridor on his trunk.

"Ravenclaw, if ever I saw one," announced James.

Sirius, however, opened the door of the compartment, and smiled down at the tawny-haired boy, who was reading quite happily, the small book perched on his raised knees. "There's plenty of space in here, if you want to join us?"

The boy peered into the compartment doubtfully, but stood up, and dragged his trunk in.

Sirius slid the door shut, and resumed his seat opposite James.

The newcomer sat down on the floor, leaning back against the wall.

James surveyed him curiously. "You don't have to sit on the floor, mate."

The probable-Ravenclaw met his gaze, smiling benignly. "I prefer the floor, but thanks." And then he returned to his book.

James and Sirius exchanged a look.

"So," said Sirius, attempting to resume the conversation, "naturally, a Potter like you is going to be in Gryffindor, and fall in love with a red-head?" He smirked, and placed his feet up on James's bench.

James made a face. "Yes, I'll be in Gryffindor, but I'm going to be a bachelor. None of this girl nonsense for me, thank you."

At that moment, a flame-haired first year girl walked past their compartment.

Sirius burst out laughing. "I bet you six chocolate frogs, a bottle of firewhiskey and three dungbombs that you end up marrying that girl."

"Don't be stupid," muttered James, blushing deeply.

"One day," said Sirius, his tone full of wisdom.

"Just because it runs in the family doesn't make it fate for me," said James.

"Oh, I agree with that statement, but you will marry that girl."

"What unfortunate connotations do your family have?" James inquired.

Sirius grinned. "Oh, insanity, sadistic intent to torture people, general evilness, you know?"

"Sure," said James, sounding uncertain.

There was a quiet thump on the floor, as the book dropped from the boy's hands, and then another as his head came to rest on Sirius's bench.

"Is he dead?" Sirius demanded of James, sounding worried.

"Sleeping," James assured him, after checking the other boy's slow breathing.

"Thank God," muttered Sirius. "I dunno how people can do that, though; fall asleep anywhere."

"Maybe he's just really tired," suggested James.

"Yeah, maybe."

"Quit staring at him; it'll be unnerving for him if he wakes up."

Sirius tore his gaze away from the boy, back to James. He grinned. "So, we're in Gryffindor, yeah?"

"Definitely."

"You reckon we'll be in the same dorm?"

"I expect and hope so," agreed James.

"This is going to be brilliant," announced Sirius, almost cackling with glee.

"You're not nervous at all, are you?"

"Only about my mother's reaction when she finds out what House I'm in," said Sirius, cheerfully, "but I'm sure that'll die down by the time I go home for next summer. These are going to be the best seven years of our lives, Jamie-boy. You wait and see."

(-)

Remus Lupin frowned ever so slightly when the Sorting Hat shouter 'Gryffindor'. He had been utterly convinced that he was either going to Ravenclaw -for his mind- or Slytherin -for his condition.

After a tiny moment, however, his surprised frown turned to a delighted smile, and he happily made his way over to the boys who he had shared the train compartment with. They were both proudly sporting Cheshire Cat smiles, despite the glares being shot at the non-spectacled one by the entirety of the Slytherin table.

"You'll be in our dorm, no doubt, Mr Remus Lupin," announced James, beaming. "You can be the brains of our adventures."

"A plan indeed, Mr James Potter," said Sirius, grinning at Remus.

"I suppose I could lend you my expertise," said Remus, quietly yet brightly.

"He's one of us," Sirius announced, throwing an arm around Remus, who turned a marvellous colour. "Oh, and he blushes! How cute!"

"Oi, Sirius, it's that Hufflepuff being Sorted," said James, quietening to hear the Hat's verdict.

The Sorting Hat thought about Peter Pettigrew for such a long time, that even the teachers were shuffling, wondering if it had fallen asleep. Eventually, however, it announced: 'Gryffindor' without the usual finesse.

The boy assumed the expression of a rodent when confronted with a mouse-trap, and stumbled over to the Gryffindor table, looking very, very, utterly terrified. He stared hopelessly at his empty plate; eyes wide.

"Doesn't look very Gryffindor-ish to me," muttered James.

"Maybe he's very shy, but very brave once you get to know him," Remus suggested, though his tone was less believing.

"Hmm," said Sirius, sceptically.

Once the feast was over, and they had been led up to the vast Common Room, Remus, Sirius and James were allocated a dorm with Peter Pettigrew, who smiled a very twitchy, watery smile, before immersing himself in the task of unpacking his trunk.

James tested the springiness of his mattress by jumping up and down, quite repeatedly.

Sirius began to 'surf' on his bed, humming the Hawaii-50 theme, which he had heard in a muggle television shop a few days previously.

Remus was struggling in his attempts to rearrange his bed to his liking. He had managed to manoeuvre his mattress onto the floor, and had climbed up one of the posts to unhook the drapes.

"You alright up there, mate?" James inquired of the eccentric, tawny-haired eleven year-old.

"You don't have a hammer, per chance?" Remus inquired, succeeding in letting one side of drapes come loose.

"Er, no."

"What are you trying to do?" Sirius asked.

Remus dropped back down to the floor. "Make a tent. I don't like wooden structures much: bed frames, benches, chairs... I find it... cluttering. I sound mad, don't I?"

Sirius nodded as though he understood, and examined one of the posts. "I think it's just joined on; we should be able to lift it off the actual bed. Come on, lads; lend a hand."

James jumped to it, taking one of the corners.

"Peter?"

Peter's eyes went wide once more, but he cautiously moved over and grasped a post.

"On three, gents," said James. "One, two, three-"

They carefully lifted the canopy up four inches, and moved it to stand over the mattress.

"Will that hold steady enough?" Sirius asked Remus, who shrugged.

"Oh, I'll improvise a better one soon, but this will do for now. Thank you for the help, by the way."

James grinned. "Any time."

Peter's lips quivered, before he dove back into his own bed.

"Remus?"

"Hmm?"

Sirius smiled fondly at the other boy. "You're wonderfully odd, did you know?"

"Noted," replied Remus, with a responding lop-sided smile.

"Anything else you need help with tonight?"

"Oh, I'll sort everything else out tomorrow," replied Remus, breezily. He looked over at his personalised bed, and frowned. "I'm not so fond of it now."

"Looks a bit stuffy," Sirius agreed, eyeing the red velvet drapes.

"I agree. Can we move them again? I'll just have the mattress."

Peter was snuggled up in his bed, the blankets drawn up over his head.

"Eh, he's no use to us now," muttered Sirius.

"Know any spells for it?" James suggested, looking at Remus.

"Only the theory," said Remus, apologetically.

"I might have an idea," piped up Sirius.

James and Remus eyed the young Black's wand with great concern as it was raised and pointed at the wooden bed frame.

"_Reducto!_"

An almighty bang sounded, waking Peter but also reducing the bed to smoke.

"You are just vanishing this, aren't you?" Remus asked, nervously, as Sirius set to work on the drapes.

"Sure, Remus. Now, DIE CURTAINS!"

(-)

The corner of Remus's mattress was heavily singed, but as he was tucked up with his cushions from home and the dorm's heavy, comforting, Gryffindor blankets, he felt safe and happy in his unfamiliar surroundings.

Breakfast the following morning consisted of the boys consuming more crumpets than ever before, washed down with lashings of pumpkin juice and tea.

Sirius cheerfully ignored the glares of the Slytherin table, and two owls carrying sinister-looking letters addressed to him.

Remus was cutting his toast into precise soldiers when Professor McGonagall gave him his timetable. He scrunched his nose up at the box labelled 'Potions', but continued to nibble his toast as he read through the day.

_Charms, Prof. Flitwick_

_Transfiguration, Prof. McGonagall_

_Break_

_Herbology, Prof. Sprout_

_Lunch_

_Potions, Prof. Slughorn_

_Defence Against The Dark Arts, Prof. Higgs_

Peter stuck to James like glue during their walk from the Great Hall to the Charms classroom, terrified of getting lost or left behind. Sirius frowned at this -being James's self-designated best friend- but at the roll of James's eyes, realized that this status was not in jeopardy. Instead, Sirius cosied up to their most eccentric dorm-mate, quite cheerfully.

A bunch of Sixth Years began a stampede through the Charms corridor, and the First Years edged quickly to the sides to avoid being run over.

"If I was a woodlouse, I'd be in trouble," muttered Remus, shuffling his books into a more correct order in his arms.

Sirius grinned fondly at the caramel-haired boy, and together they edged into the Charms classroom.

They joined Peter and James on a table at the back of the room, and Remus carefully placed his books on the table, and removed his quill from behind his ear. This resulted in James and Sirius exchanging identical, affectionate grins over the boy's head.

Sirius stole Remus's notebook -ignoring the wide-eyed look he received in return- and wrote down the woodlouse quote in a margin, before returning the book to its rightful owner.

Remus smiled softly, and blew gently on the ink to dry it. "I may have to continue that as a habit," he warned Sirius, lowly, as Professor Flitwick stood up at the front of the class.

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Give Me Everything: Pitbull

(-)

xxxx


	2. You won't feel a thing

**The Mormfongs **

**Hi again, many thanks for the interest! Naturally, I disclaim rights.**

_It was a lie when they smiled, and said "you won't feel a thing"_

(-)

At the end of their first day of school, all four boys were away in their dormitory.

Remus was practising levitating his quill so that it floated across the room to tickle James's nose, earning a sneeze.

Sirius had finally finished unpacking, and was spreading his bedding from home onto his four-poster. This consisted of two fleece blankets, a duvet cover, three pillow cases, and a smaller cushion; all printed with paw prints.

James -for once- was reading without incentive.

Remus returned his attentions to his bed, which consisted of... the mattress, plus singed bedding.

James jumped up from his bed, and waved his book in front of Remus's face proudly. "I've found a spell."

"In a spell book? Congratulations."

James dropped the book on Remus's head, and stalked back to his own bed. He threw himself back onto the mattress theatrically. "For your tent."

"Oh. Thanks." Remus transferred the book to his lap, and carefully read through the theory. "Wonderful. Sirius, can you un-Vanish my old curtains, please?"

Sirius made a face. "Could be problematic. You can have one of mine, if you want."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, why not? Take the one near the window."

Remus took out his wand, and began to levitate the drapes free; his face screwed up in concentration. Eventually, it came free, and dropped to the floor. "Right, now..." He consulted James's book again, and laid the material out flat on the floor, adjusting the angles of the folds carefully. Once satisfied, he took a step back, said '_Erecto_' clearly, and watched happily as it formed a tent shape with ease.

"Anything in there about how to thin the fabric?" James suggested.

"What colour would you like?" Sirius asked Remus, rolling up his shirt sleeves.

Remus gulped. "Erm... are you sure? I mean, the last time... I've just made a tent."

"Relax – my cousins used to change my hair colour on a daily basis. Pick a colour, any colour?"

"Er... blue?"

"_Multicorfors!_" Sirius said, firmly, with a quick jab of his wand.

The tent changed to a deep, midnight blue, with white crescent moons and stars printed on it.

"Nice one, mate," said James, clapping him on the shoulder.

"_Relevo!_" said Remus, finding a lightening charm in the book. "_Macer!_"

The material thinned before their eyes, becoming like that of tent canvas.

"Voila! One tent for Monsieur Lupin!" announced James, joyfully.

Remus returned the book to James. "Why, thank you, Messrs Potter and Black. And Mr Pettigrew, I suppose."

Peter grinned back at Remus from his homework.

"This room needs some posters," mused James. "Preferably Quidditch ones."

"And a calender," added Remus.

"And a chocolate supply," suggested Peter, dreamily.

Remus's ears visibly perked up at the word 'chocolate', causing Sirius to laugh.

"Watch out, gents; we have a closet chocoholic in our midst!"

Remus blushed. "Guilty."

"You're so cute when you blush; I could nibble you up."

"Sounding very straight there, Sirius," muttered James, grinning.

Sirius proceeded to chase James around the dormitory, lips puckered in preparation to kiss the spectacled boy.

James dived into Remus's tent for protection, and Sirius jumped up and down on James's bed.

"Remus! Make him stop!" James begged of the seemingly only sane member of the group.

Sirius stopped jumping, but didn't hop off of the bed.

"He's pouting," Remus informed James.

"Let him pout," James grumbled in response.

Remus smiled, and raised an eyebrow at Sirius, who dutifully returned to ground level.

"How did you do that?" Peter demanded, in a whisper, from his own bed.

"Never underestimate the power of the eyebrow," Remus replied.

(-)

Remus swiped Sirius's jotter during Charms, and carefully penned in a phrase at the back of the book in neat, precise handwriting. He blew gently across the wording, before returning the closed notebook to the young Black.

Sirius winked at Remus, before re-finding his page, and continuing to make notes.

Charms emerged as the 'talky' lesson; conversations could easily be held amidst the general buzz of the classroom, and Professor Flitwick was hardly as intimidating as Professor McGonagall. Even Remus had no issue with their chattering, so long as they had mastered the charms beforehand.

Sirius had successfully cast his chirping charm on Peter, so that the boy sounded quite uncannily like a bird. The way he flapped his arms in semi-distress did nothing to help his cause.

Remus stole Peter's notebook, and wrote in a margin; '_A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song_.' Oddly, Peter did not seem particularly reassured.

(-)

Later, in the dormitory, when Peter had finally finished making bird-calls (it had been an exceptionally well cast charm), Remus was sitting on the window ledge, reading a book, wearing a long-sleeved pyjama shirt with a large polka-dotted tea-cup on the front, with similarly patterned long-Johns. He seemed content.

Sirius entered the dorm, still fully dressed. "Hello, Remus. Why weren't you at dinner?"

"Hmm? Oh, wasn't hungry." He took his quill down from behind his ear, and made a small note in the book.

"I brought you some nibbles in case you get peckish," Sirius informed him.

Remus replaced his quill, and turned to face Sirius. "Out with the goodies, then, Mr Black, if you please."

Sirius grinned, and clambered onto his bed -Remus joining him- before starting to empty his bulging pockets.

Two pumpkin pasties, three fluffy bread rolls, a chunk of cheddar cheese and four blueberry muffins later, and the two boys were full and happy. Remus was back on the window sill, sipping at a glass of water.

"Why those pyjamas?" Sirius had to ask.

"Tribute to the Mad Hatter."

"Who?"

Remus sighed good-naturedly, and began to search through the piles of books behind his tent; some of muggle origin. He located his copy of 'Alice In Wonderland', and pressed it into Sirius's hands. "The Mad Hatter is the original twenty-four hour party person. Only he doesn't need drugs or alcohol to get his kicks... he just needs a good drop of Earl Grey."

"What on Earth is that?"

"Tea. Proper tea."

Sirius frowned slightly. "This is a kid's book, isn't it?"

"Essentially, yes, but it can be enjoyed by all." Remus's expression was patient.

"I'll give it a go, I suppose," said Sirius, tucking the book under his pillow.

"I hope you'll enjoy it," said Remus, picking up his book again as he reseated at the window.

Sirius watched him for a while. "Say, Remus?"

"Yes, Sirius?"

"You look very tired tonight. Do you feel ill?"

Remus's mouth curled slightly bitterly. "I think I might be coming down with something."

"Well, don't stress yourself out, mate, and maybe it'll pass you by."

"Sound advice, Mr Black," said Remus, with a grin.

"So's yours," replied Sirius.

Remus tilted his head slightly in incomprehension.

Sirius tapped his Charms book, where Remus had written: '_Close your eyes and smile once a day_'.

(-)

Remus stood in the Shrieking Shack, shivering with the September chill, on Sunday evening.

He had pretended to take Sirius's advice about quick-marching to the Hospital Wing, and Madam Pomfrey had met him at the school gates to accompany him down to the Whomping Willow.

He felt somewhat guilty about tricking his newly acquired friends, but wasn't yet quite ready to tell them. He scoffed at himself; he would never have the guts.

Instead of wasting time doing nothing, waiting for the moon to rise, Remus picked up a sharp stone from the floor, and began to engrave a sentence into the battered wooden wardrobe, on one of the barely attached doors.

By morning, a splatter of blood hid the words: _I am happy._

_(-)_

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Disenchanted; My Chemical Romance

(-)

xxxx


	3. While our blood's still young

**The Mormfongs**

**I disclaim rights an' all dat shizzle. [shudder]**

**Thanks for alerts and favourites and [my favourite] reviews! You keep me and my mormfongs happy.**

_And while our blood's still young, it runs, and we won't stop til it's over_

(-)

Sirius peered down at the boy sleeping on the hospital wing bed.

His caramel hair was fanned out on the pillow; clean but disarrayed. His face was covered in new cuts and bruises. His eyes were scrunched tightly shut. His lips were parted and moving, as though reading the subtitled text of his dreams. They appeared to be horrific.

Sirius sat down in the chair next to the bed, and laid a hand on Remus's shaking shoulder. "Remus?"

Remus's eyes -usually as light as his hair- snapped open, dark and forbidding, until they focussed upon the other boy. He relaxed. "Sirius."

"What happened, Remus? You look bloody awful."

"Thanks."

Sirius eyed him steadily.

Remus sighed, and struggled limply to sit up, supported by his pillows. "Stopped for a spot of fresh air in the grounds before I came to see Madam Pomfrey. Encountered a rather grumpy hippogriff."

"Pompous arses," muttered Sirius.

"You would know."

"Oi! I came to visit! I was worried!"

Remus laughed at the indignant look on Sirius's face. "And it was very much appreciated. How did you get in here, anyway? It can't be visiting hours yet."

Sirius eyed him curiously. "Remus, it's Monday 6th September, 9.30pm."

"Are you serious?"

"I'm Sirius."

Remus rolled his caramel fudge eyes. "Whatever inspired your parents to name you that?"

"Family name, I guess. Or maybe it was just my parents being cruel."

Remus gave a timid smile in response. "So, how did you get in here?"

"I can be sneaky. Shall I sneak you out with me?"

"Much appreciated," replied Remus, already sliding out from between the blankets. He picked up his wand from the bedside table, and quickly pulled his robes on over his pyjamas. He re-made the bed neatly, and as an after-thought, conjured up a bouquet of flowers to leave for Madam Pomfrey for her kindness.

"What are they?" Sirius inquired, touching a petal cautiously.

"Peruvian lilies," said Remus. "They're in season at the moment." He added a single poppy to the lilies. "Ancient Egyptian doctors often prescribed poppy seeds to relieve pain, as they contain morphine and codeine. Muggles still use those today."

"You're going to be brilliant at Herbology, then?" Sirius teased, as Remus fussed with a ribbon.

"Decidedly not. I like muggle plants, not these strange bitey ones you wizards are so fond of."

"I thought you were half-blood?" Sirius queried.

Remus stood back to admire the effect of the ribbon. "That'll have to do. Shall we go now? And yes, I'm half-blood, but my mother worked as a florist."

Sirius smiled fondly at the idea of a very small Remus sitting in a ladybird-spot watering can, before leading the other boy out of the hospital wing cautiously.

(-)

"Remus!"

"Sirius, leave him alone."

"Reeeeeeemus!"

"Sirius. Quit it."

"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemus!"

"SIRIUS!" James eventually snapped, throwing a pillow at his supposed best friend.

Remus's tent unzipped slightly from the inside, and he poked his head through to glare at Sirius, who was being irritatingly chirpy that morning. "It's 5am."

"And?" Sirius demanded.

"And it's 5am."

"Your point being?"

"It's 5am."

"So?"

Remus's head disappeared back into his tent, and he zipped it shut pointedly.

Sirius huffed, and threw James his pillow back. "Say, Potter-"

James caught it without a glance, and rolled over, turning his back on Sirius, and covering his ears with the pillow.

"James?"

James gave an exaggerated, no-nonsense snore.

Sirius sighed heavily, considered waking up Peter, but then thought better of it.

He wriggled around in his bed, trying to get comfortable, but ended up with the duvet and blankets strewn on the floor, half-way across the room.

"Read your book," Remus suggested, sounding very tired.

Sirius pulled Remus's copy of 'Alice In Wonderland' out from under his pillow, and rolled over to lay on his stomach.

_Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or conversation?'_

By 8am the following morning, Remus's notebook was full of 'Alice In Wonderland' quotes.

(-)

An owl flew head-first into James's cereal in a splash of milk and various other debris.

The young Potter gingerly removed the package from the owl's leg, and the bird swooped off again looking smug.

Sirius stole the bowl of cereal and dug in.

James shredded the brown paper from the parcel, and grinned widely as he surveyed the contents. "Gents, we have a calender, a poster, and four large bars of Honeydukes finest."

"I love your parents," said Sirius, picking up the calender to survey more closely. "Hang on... flowers?"

"Ooh." Remus nicked the calendar off Sirius.

"_Flowers_, James, and not a naked lady in sight!"

"Do you honestly think that my parents would send me a dirty calendar?" James questioned his friend.

"Jamie-boy, we are _bachelors,_ with our own _bachelor_ pad, with room for _bachelor_ items such as a naked lady calendar!" Sirius said, entirely too loudly.

"Sirius, we are eleven!"

"All I'm saying is that a boob would brighten up my day considerably."

"Ask Pete to flash you; he might be generous."

"Hey!" Peter exclaimed, turning a fetching shade of lobster pink.

"Just kidding, Petey, just kidding..." James gave the boy a bar of chocolate to show that there were no hard feelings.

Peter found the arrangement highly acceptable.

(-)

Astronomy was a strange lesson.

James hated Astronomy.

He loved the sky, but the sky was for flying in, not for staring at.

Peter disliked Astronomy.

He couldn't remember how many moons each planet had, let alone see any of them, or name them.

Remus liked Astronomy.

There was a calmness and tranquillity to the night-time lessons, spent just staring at the inky darkness above them, considering endless possibilities...

Sirius loved Astronomy.

His family were named after stars, or the stars were named after them... he couldn't quite remember, but seeing how much influence the Blacks had, either theory was possible. He liked the quietness of the students during the lessons, and their facial expressions and squeaks when they poked themselves in the eyes with the telescopes. He definitely liked disrupting James's perfectly aligned telescope, just for fun.

To express his new found enthusiasm for a subject, he wrote down when the full moon was due to occur each month on their new calendar.

Remus shot him odd looks in response, but said nothing.

James, however, had more to say when Sirius finished engraving:

_If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does._

on the door to their dormitory.

"You can't just _engrave_ on the door!" James protested, hotly.

"Why not? Remus exploded his bed!" Sirius replied.

"_You Vanished_ it!" Remus defended himself.

"Of course. What I meant. But, James, we're here for the next seven years! We've got to leave something for people to remember us by, besides our dashing good looks and imaginative imaginations!"

"_Imaginative imaginations_? Oh, that's imaginative."

"You think so?"

"No."

"An excellent quote, though," interjected Remus, scribbling it down in his History of Magic notebook.

"Glad you think so. See, James? Someone appreciates my brilliance!"

James merely grunted, and continued to apply his new poster to the wall.

It was huge -three feet wide, two feet tall- and featured a Quidditch pitch from above. A match was occurring in the moving photograph, and the Snitch zoomed around in a glint of gold, often travelling so that it almost hit the camera. The overall effect was that it looked like the Snitch was going to escape into the dormitory.

Their first flying lesson, however, made that scenario a reality.

(-)

"SIRIUS BLACK! GET DOWN HERE THIS _INSTANT_!"

"Eh..." Sirius zoomed back down to a graceful landing, right next to Remus, who edged away slightly.

"What did I _expressly_ tell you _not_ to do?" Madam Hooch demanded of the young Black.

"Chase the owls."

"And what did you just do?"

"Fly to the Owlry," replied Sirius, through a sigh.

"Five points from Slyth- Gryffindor."

Sirius grinned. "Do you like taking points from Slytherin the most, or are you just so used to my family being in the Snake House?"

Madam Hooch eyed him with a glare that would scorch an ordinary wizard.

Fortunately for his skin, Sirius Black was not a normal wizard.

"Ten points from Gryffindor, Mr Black. Please refrain from further interruptions of my lessons."

"Could be problematic; I'm going to be the new Beater next year."

"Indeed," said Madam Hooch, but her eyes said, 'arrogant toe-rag' all too clearly.

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Temper Trap; Sweet Disposition

(-)

xxxx


	4. You don't know who I really am

**The Mormfongs**

**Virtual flowers and cheesy grins for everyone who had shown an interest in this story.**

**I don't own the characters. Or the setting. Or even the storyline... Sigh.**

_You only hold me up like this coz you don't know who I really am, sometimes I just want to know what it's like to be you_

(-)

On the 3rd October 1971, a dark-coloured eagle owl landed neatly on the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. The envelope it carried appeared to be smoking. The owl dropped it on Sirius's empty breakfast plate.

"Nice knowing you, Sirius," laughed James, grabbing his bag and books. He stuffed a piece of toast between his teeth, and all but ran from the Hall, with Peter closely following.

Several other students appeared to be following suit; some patting Sirius on the back as they fled.

The envelope began to twitch, now emitting puffs of smoke.

The owl positively glared at Sirius, before taking flight.

Sirius stared at the smouldering letter miserably, while Remus continued to sip his tea calmly, trusty quill tucked -as usual- behind his ear.

"Open it – it'll just get worse if you don't," advised one of the Ravenclaw Prefects.

Sirius sighed, and slit open the black wax seal, stamped with the Black family crest.

At once, a deafeningly loud, shrill voice filled the Great Hall.

"SIRIUS BLACK, YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE! GRYFFINDOR? IS THIS HOW YOU REPAY US? WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE IS THIS TO SEND TO YOUR BROTHER? YOU WILL NOT COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS-"

A murmured spell from Remus made the Howler tear itself into tiny pieces, growing quieter and quieter until it was a pile of grey dust on the table. "Time for Potions, Sirius. Bring some toast."

(-)

In Potions class, Sirius's anger was fuelled by Severus Snape, who decided to insult James and his accompanying ego in front of Lily Evans.

Now, usually, if you insulted Sirius himself, you would be rewarded with a witty comeback congratulating you on your impressive balls.

Likewise, if you insulted Sirius's family, he would usually give you casual directions to get to Bellatrix Black, his Slytherin cousin and high-class devil-woman.

However, if you insulted Sirius's friends, you were in trouble.

Thus, when Severus's cauldron began to overflow with extremely sticky green slime, few people in the class were surprised.

"Greasy git," muttered James, eyeing the Slytherin darkly. "He needs to be the victim of a prank or two. What says you, Sirius?"

"Agreed. Remus?"

"He appears to be stuck to his table," observed Remus, curiously eyeing the slime.

"Ah." Sirius ducked his head down, concentrating on his Potions book.

"What spell did you use?" Remus inquired, quietly.

"Never you mind," replied Sirius, with a twitch of his lips.

"I wondered."

Professor Slughorn stopped at their table, looking uncharacteristically annoyed. "Mr Black, my office."

(-)

Remus was sitting on the window ledge, wrapped up in one of Sirius's paw-printed blankets, and reading a muggle book by candlelight.

James and Peter were already asleep.

Sirius toed into the dorm quietly, but his aura was anything but calm. He shed his school uniform as he crossed the room to his bed; not unlike how a snake sheds its skin. He collapsed backwards onto his bed -spread out like a starfish- wearing a vest and boxers.

"How was detention?" Remus inquired, quietly.

"Boring."

"It's not supposed to be interesting."

"The Slug had me scrubbing cauldrons, _without magic_. Eurgh."

Remus clicked his tongue sympathetically.

"How do you do it, Remus?" Sirius asked, suddenly.

"Hmm?"

"How do you stay so positive? I mean, you're clearly knackered. You barely sleep. You always look ill. But I've never heard you complain about anything other than grammar."

"Positivity spell," replied Remus, breezily. He bent down to open his trunk, and fetched something out of it. "A muggle one, mind." He crossed the room to Sirius's bed, and sat down next to the young Black. "At least one piece of chocolate-" He placed a square of chocolate onto Sirius's tongue. "-and a smile-" He pulled the corners of Sirius's mouth up into a makeshift smile. "-to be taken once a day."

The smile stayed on Sirius's face.

(-)

"It's my birthday tomorrow and everything is wonderful!" Sirius announced at breakfast the following morning.

"Strange; yesterday, the world was miserable and out to get you," James reminded him.

"I've had my chocolate already this morning," Sirius announced, proudly.

"What? It's not advent. How come you get chocolate in the morning?" Peter demanded to know.

"Remus's idea. And Remus is clever, so it's OK if I get fat."

"Where is Remus, anyway?" James inquired, peering under the table just in case.

"Oh, he's feeling ill again, so he's still in bed."

"Poor bloke... shall we bring him cake or something later to cheer him up?"

"Definitely. We could go to the kitchens and request something off the Elves."

"We can do that?" Peter asked, wide-eyed.

"Sure. I'll take you there after dinner tonight," said Sirius. "Blimey, we're late. What lesson do we have? I miss Remus already."

(-)

Remus was asleep when Sirius, James and Peter crept into the Hospital Wing at lunch.

Not a peaceful sleep, either; his face was scrunched up unhappily, and he was curled into a tight ball on his side.

Sirius placed a copy of their Herbology notes, the book Remus had been reading, and a 'get well soon' note from them on the bedside table, along with a small bar of Honeydukes finest.

Madam Pomfrey rounded the corner, eyes blazing, before James pressed his finger to his lips sharply. She paused -eyes narrowed- and her eyes fell on the pile of gifts, and then on the still-sleeping Remus. Her expression softened, and she shooed them out without further comment.

(-)

A soft hand shook Remus gently into waking.

"G'way, Siri. 5am. Ill," he muttered, clinging to his blankets.

"Remus? Wake up."

Remus blinked several times to shift about a tablespoon of sleepy dust, and sat up slowly, trying to ignore his churning stomach. "What time is it?"

"Seven o'clock. Are you ready to go down now?" Madam Pomfrey seemed concerned about his fragile state.

He nodded, and twisted so that his legs dangled over the side of the bed. He slid his bare feet into cold shoes, and tied them carefully. He stood up cautiously, ready to fall back onto the bed if dizziness overcame him.

His eyes fell on the small offerings that his friends had left for him.

"I'll look after them until morning," Madam Pomfrey assured him, kindly.

He smiled slightly in response, before accompanying her out into the grounds. The walk to the Whomping Willow was blissfully silent. She seemed apologetic as she left him in the Shrieking Shack.

It was nice, Remus mused, to be cared about by an almost complete stranger. Despite her somewhat prickly shell, Poppy Pomfrey had a truly good heart. Or maybe she just appreciated the flowers. Either way, she was nice, and would be receiving more flowers the following morning.

What was about in October? Roses? Too romantic. Orchids? A touch too elaborate for his spell-casting. Ornithogalums... Very pretty. Highly possible.

Remus glanced out of the window. Not quite full moon yet. He undressed swiftly, and folded up his clothing neatly, placing it on top of the wardrobe. He kept his wand, though, and started practising conjuring the flowers. Three tries earned him the correct variety. He plucked a fresh-looking petal from the plant, and marvelled at how realistic it appeared to be. He frowned at it. It would last forever, if it wasn't burnt. This inanimate object would outlive him.

As the moonlight flooded into the Shrieking Shack, it didn't seem such a strange concept anymore.

(-)

"Remus, we got you a cake from the kitchen yesterday, but you never came back, so now it's Sirius's birthday cake instead of your Get Well Soon cake," James announced, on Remus's entry to the dormitory the following morning.

"Recycling is good," Remus murmured, ruffling Sirius's raven locks as he passed him. "Happy Birthday, little cabbage."

"Thank you very much indeed, baby beetroot. And where is my present?"

Wordlessly, Remus conjured some more flowers, and summoned a smooth, pale grey stone that he'd found in the Forbidden Forest a few days prior. It was precisely the same stormy shade of grey as Sirius's eyes. On it, Remus had written: _We're all mad here_.

"How very fitting," James remarked, through a mouthful of Bertie Botts.

"Why, thank you again, all of you. It has been a marvellous haul this year," said Sirius, beaming like the Cheshire Cat. "Remus, you're looking peaky. Here, have some chocolate cake."

(-)

Remus spent the day lounging on the window ledge, alternating between copying up Sirius's notes and reading his own book. He also had a conversation with a House Elf, and had a short tea-party with her, before she returned to her cleaning duties.

He also managed to subtly rearrange his space in the dorm. He was in the corner diagonally opposite the door, with Sirius across from him, and Peter next to him. His trunk was right in the corner, unobstructive and closed neatly, unlike James's, which was somehow strewn around the entire room. Sirius's was next to Peter's bed. Peter's was upside down right in front of the door, so that everyone tripped over it as they entered.

Remus had a tea set on the floor in front of his trunk, which consisted of a charming teapot, and six identical, matching teacups. The cups were stacked neatly atop a pile of saucers. He didn't like leaving such a tidy set on the floor, but he had yet to acquire some shelving to put up.

Likewise, his books were piled up alongside his tent, on the side which shielded them from the rest of the dorm. They were not ordered, and there was a mix of magical and muggle books, both fiction and non-fiction. Unordered, but uncluttered in their stacks. He would have to ask for shelves for Christmas...

His tent was much unchanged since it had been transfigured. Remus had piled the mattress with blankets and pillows so that it was like sleeping on a cloud. The smell of burnt material had somewhat faded, as well, which he counted as a large achievement. He had charmed an everlasting flame in a small jar to hang from the ceiling of the tent, to serve as a reading light for the nights when he couldn't sleep, but was too cosy in his cocoon to read by the window.

He eyed the calender on the back of the door to the dorm, and in particular peered at the circles which Sirius had inked on the days of the full moon. The raven-haired boy had had the cheek to make the moons into smiley faces. One even had tufted ears. That said, another had fangs. One had what appeared to be antlers.

Remus stood up, and stretched; softly testing his aching body. His skin felt too tight.

James barged into the dormitory, in a flurry of parchment. "Hello, Remus. You're looking better. Sirius has been whining all day, saying that it's not fair that you get the day off school when it's his birthday. I reminded him that you were ill. I think he's bringing you chocolate."

"Is chocolate becoming my currency?" Remus inquired of James.

"Are you sick of it?"

"What? No. I never get sick of chocolate. Ever." Remus's tone was deadly serious.

"Thank God. Otherwise, I have no idea what to get you for Christmas."

"Shelves," suggested Remus, reseating on the window ledge comfortably.

"Shelves?" James queried, sounding amused. He threw his bag away, and flopped down on his bed. The bag landed neatly on Sirius's pillow.

"I need shelves. My tea-set won't survive much longer with you lot... no offence."

"None taken. Why... Why do you have a tea-set? You're eleven."

"I idolise the Mad Hatter. Sirius is reading the book, but you're welcome to borrow it afterwards."

"Does it have pictures?"

Remus actually giggled at the irony. "Of course it does. _What is the use of a book without pictures or conversation?_"

"I dunno... spell books, I guess. History of Magic." James was predictably clueless. "Should I get you a hat?"

"Sounds marvellous," agreed Remus. "I'm especially fond of ear-flaps."

James grinned. "Consider it done."

"And yourself?"

"I liked the rock you gave to Sirius," James admitted.

"I'll see what I can do," said Remus, with a curious smile.

"Much appreciated. How long until Christmas?"

"Oh, ages; it's only the beginning of October."

"Eurgh. Are you going to go home for the break?"

Remus shrugged. "I doubt it. Besides, it seems that Sirius is staying, so I may as well keep him company. What about you?"

"Oh, I don't know. Better let Mum tell me." James scratched the back of his head, making his hair even more untidy than it had been previously. "Are you quite all right, Remus? You're still looking peaky."

"I'll be better tomorrow, no doubt."

"I do hope so. Are you prone to being ill? You were poorly last month, too, but only for a few days."

"Happens a lot," Remus assured him. "Not much I can do about it."

"Have you talked to Madam Pomfrey?" James suggested.

"Not much she can do," said Remus.

Peter trotted into the dorm, looking rather green. James jumped up.

"Pete! What happened? Was it good?"

Remus frowned in confusion.

"Slughorn is still trying to get rid of the slime," said Peter, sounding giddy with adrenaline and nervousness.

James cackled and actually rubbed his hands together with glee. "Our first proper prank..."

"What did you do?" Remus demanded.

"In honour of our dear comrade's birthday, we cast a spell on not-so-dear Snivellus."

"Who?"

"Snape," said James, impatiently.

"We called him Snivellus because it sounds slimy," added Peter.

"Hmm," said Remus, through pursed lips.

"Anyway, he now has a slime trail, like a slug. Or a snail. He cannot move without leaving a trail of slime. It's brilliant," said James, modestly.

"So, where's Sirius now?"

James shrugged. "Slughorn was furious, but then he found the counter-charm, and was quite impressed with us for the spell. I mean, it's quite advanced stuff, for our age. Snape was throwing a tantrum, though, sliding around the classroom."

At that moment, Sirius burst into the room, grinning from ear to ear. "Wonderful news, chaps! We lost Gryffindor 20 points for casting the spell, and won 20 points for casting the spell! How weird is that? Either way, we broke even, so no one can complain."

"At least it was memorable," said James. "I like to think that we brightened a fair few people's days..."

James and Sirius sighed dramatically in unison, their heads tilted at precisely the same, reminiscent angle.

"A good start to the first of many, many wonderful pranks," announced Sirius.

"Agreed," said Peter, grinning.

"Remus, we'll need your in-put on the next one; I'm thinking lots of big mushrooms bouncing around the Herbology greenhouses..."

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Fall Out Boy; Of All The Gin Joints In All The World

Sirius's birthday isn't listed, but it's in autumn, so I've made it 5th October for no particular reason.

(-)

Does this extra-long chapter deserve some notes?

xxxx


	5. And the bells were ringing out

**The Mormfongs**

**Oodles of love for everyone who has taken the time to read this nonsense. It is highly appreciated. I wish I could make you all gingerbread people.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER. **

_And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day..._

(-)

Christmas came around quicker than any of them had expected.

Peter went home to his family, but had received a small present from each of the other boys, and had given one to each in turn. Remus had the presents stashed in his trunk, to remove temptation from Sirius and James.

It took all of Remus's patience to get an excitable Sirius into bed on Christmas Eve; eventually succeeding by placating the young Black with the words: 'I got you a rock. Now, shut up and let me sleep'. He wasn't entirely sure which had convinced Sirius to clamber into his bed and pull the covers up to his nose. Promises of a rock, or the fact that Remus was tired? Remus liked to think that it was the latter, but Sirius was proving to be quite a strange child.

Naturally, he was unwillingly dragged into consciousness on Christmas morning by James collapsing his tent. Sirius was skipping laps of the room when Remus managed to war his way out of his many bundles of blankets.

Sirius gave an excited noise that could only be described as a squeal when Remus stood up, yawning, and grabbed the unsuspecting boy by the hand. Remus was then deposited on Sirius's bed.

James threw a present to each of them.

Remus was still contemplating the wrapping paper -reindeer themed- when Sirius engulfed James in a bear-hug.

The young Black wasted no time in pulling the '_Remus Lupin Appreciation Society_' t-shirt on.

James looked terribly pleased with himself. "I got one for Pete, too, and one for me. We're your fan-club, dear Remmy."

"How... charming? Thank you for the hat." Remus pulled on a cosy knitted hat with fluffy ear-flaps attached. He walked over to his trunk, and took the stashed presents out of it, and returned to perch on Sirius's bed. "One for Sirius, one for James... one for me, another for James, and another for Sirius!"

"Who's this from?" James inquired, shaking a small, soft present close to his ear.

"Peter."

"Ah. Socks. With snitches."

"With paw-prints!"

"'Chocoholic'."

"Hey, Rem, you really did get us rocks," mused James, with a grin.

"And books," Remus added.

Sirius proudly set his shiny new rock upon his bedside table with his other. It read: _It's not a question of coming down to Earth; some of us belong in the stars._

James put his on the window ledge, which Remus thought was a marvellous idea. Action expresses priorities.

"Out with it, Black," demanded James, clapping his hands together. He was rewarded with a parcel in the face, which he eagerly ripped open.

Remus thanked Sirius kindly when he opened his present: a t-shirt with a picture of a book and a worm on it.

James's smile, however, dropped comically when he read the front of his new t-shirt._ I [heart] LE_. "I DO NOT LOVE LILY EVANS!"

(-)

New Year was slightly more awkward, as the full moon fell on it.

Sirius had managed to acquire some fireworks, and fully intended to set them off with James, outside, on brooms, at midnight.

Remus had tried to discourage this idea as best he could, but the young Black remained characteristically stubborn; also rejecting Remus's excuses for absence from the spectacle. In response to the explanations, Sirius merely jabbed his thumb repeatedly at his chest; he was still wearing his 'Remus Lupin Appreciation Society' t-shirt, which hadn't yet been washed.

Eventually, when Sirius simply wouldn't relent and accept that Remus would be away, Remus quickly told James that he would be leaving, "and a very happy new year to you. See you in the morning, Mr Potter."

Madam Pomfrey tapped her bare wrist at his approach to the Hospital Wing, a slight frown on her face.

Remus simply shrugged and replied with the simplest explanation possible; "Sirius."

"Hmm."

Later that night, fireworks drowned out his anguished yells and howls.

(-)

Remus crept back into the dormitory at 11pm the following night, after a day at the Hospital Wing. James and Sirius appeared to be sleeping.

He quickly changed into his Mad Hatter pyjamas, and fetched a glass of water.

He peered around the room, noting marks on the walls which looked oddly like nail-holes.

The old calendar had moved from the back of the door to the wall opposite the window. To its left was the new 1972 one, pinned up with a nail. Remus noted vaguely that the 31st December 1971 had a small circle for the full moon in the square, along with the words: _**'Remus abandoned me!'**_ written in an accusing scrawl.

Quite suddenly, the light came on, and Sirius pulled his bed hanging back sharply, before his hands fell to rest on his slim hips; the bones clearly defined and outlined by James's bright yellow pyjama bottoms, which contrasted strongly with his bare, pale chest. He glared at Remus quite unwaveringly, his eyes barely visible beneath Remus's faux-fur ear-flapped hat.

Remus couldn't take him seriously.

"And where have you been, young man?" Sirius demanded, eyes lively and sharp.

"Elsewhere," said Remus.

Sirius gave an irritated huff, before his expression softened at the sight of Remus's tired eyes. "You can explain to me over tea. We shall have a midnight feast. And we shall enjoy it. Can I borrow a shirt?"

"Don't you have any clean ones?" Remus inquired, rifling through his trunk. "And what happened to that ridiculous 'Appreciation Society' t-shirt?"

"It got singed by the fireworks," replied Sirius, shortly, catching the 'book-worm' t-shirt that Remus chucked over for him. He dragged his paw-printed blanket around himself, and sat down on the cushions which Remus had spread out on the floor, while Remus busied himself with the kettle.

"I should have guessed. How did they go, overall?"

"James lost an eyebrow, but that was the worst casualty. Room for improvement, though."

"Better luck next year, you mean?" Remus asked, pouring out steaming tea into two cups. "Milk?"

"Please. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to better my efforts."

"I quite agree. Sugar?"

"Pass, thank you."

Remus handed Sirius his cup and saucer, and settled down opposite him with his own.

"Happy New Year. Cheers!"

"Cheers!"

They clinked tea-cups, and each took a sip.

"Now I have the munchies," muttered Sirius, after a pause.

"I have chocolate... don't you have anything left over from Christmas?"

"Certainly not. That was a whole week ago!"

Remus smiled, and found a bar of chocolate and two mince pies, one of which he slid onto Sirius's saucer.

"Thanks, Rem."

"Oh, you're welcome." Sip. "So, why are you denying me sleep with a tea party? I mean, should I be worried?"

Sirius laughed. "Couldn't sleep. I worry about you when you're away, especially when you come back super ill. I should keep you on a leash so that you can't leave me."

"Please don't," begged Remus.

"Will it end badly?" Sirius's voice had a serious tone.

"Quite potentially."

"I'll bear that in mind." Sip.

"Glad to hear it." Sip.

"I feel like I'm missing something," announced Sirius, glaring at the inanimate corner of the room.

"How so?"

"It's like I should be noticing something. Something really obvious. And when I work it out, I'll think, 'well, it was staring you in the face the whole time!'"

"I'm sure it'll work out OK," Remus assured him, but his insides twisted uncomfortably. Odd though Sirius's mind was, it was still one of the sharpest in the year.

"You are full of secrets, Remus Lupin," said Sirius, tapping the boy on the nose with his teaspoon. "You should tell me."

"They wouldn't be secrets, then, would they?" Remus teased, nibbling at his mince pie.

"Having no secrets isn't a bad thing, Remus."

"Too many double-negatives in there," Remus said. "You just insinuated that secrets are bad."

"Between friends, they are!" Sirius protested, spraying pastry everywhere.

"So, you don't have any?" Remus inquired, curiously.

"None of importance. If you asked me about something, I wouldn't lie to you."

"You have a sultana in your tea," was Remus's response.

"Ah." He stuck his finger into the still-steaming liquid to hook the dried fruit out, only to retract it quickly. "Bugger! Hot!"

"You'd complain if it was cold."

"Touché. Now, how do you do a cooling charm on a finger?"

Remus considered. "Better to just run it under the tap, I think."

"I was under the impression that you were a wizard," said Sirius, as he made a bee-line for the bathroom.

"Says the boy who just went fruit fishing in a tea-cup," Remus muttered to himself, blowing across the shimmering surface of his own cup. "Whilst wearing my hat. And shirt. And James's pyjamas. Strangest sort of Pureblood I've ever heard of."

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

The Pogues; Fairytale Of New York

(-)

xxxx


	6. Just so you know, I was thinking of you

**The Mormfongs**

**Oodles of love for everyone who has taken the time to read this nonsense. Virtual hugs and blueberry muffins to all!**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER. **

_A-kicking, screaming and rolling around, a little piece of a bloody tooth, just so you know, I was thinking of you_

(-)

Another painful moon passed on the 30th January, and before any of the boys knew it, it was Valentines Day.

Sirius made his thoughts on the day very clear; love was stupid, so a day dedicated to it was very stupid.

Peter mentioned that if he received any cards, then he would be pleased, but wasn't planning on sending any. Far too risky.

Remus went on a rant about consumerism and how it had become too commercialised for him to even consider supporting it. Love should be a constant thing. There shouldn't be a set day for everyone to coo at each other.

James shuffled his feet awkwardly and tried to make sure that the card he had made for Lily didn't fall out of his bag.

(-)

"James, you had this coming," Remus gently chided the young Potter, as he lifted the curse with a sweep of his wand.

James sighed with relief as his head steadily returned to its normal size. "Thanks, Rem."

"Just because Sirius was there didn't mean that you had to turn the card into a paper air-plane and throw it at Lily. It nearly took her eye out, James."

"I panicked, OK?"

Remus sighed, and tried to lighten James's black eye, to little success.

"Leave me my war wounds," James requested, batting the wand away.

Remus smiled fondly at the dejected boy. "She'll come around, James."

"How do you know?" James wailed, burying his face in his pillow dramatically.

"Because you're a good person, and she's bound to see that soon."

"When?" James asked, muffled heavily by the cushion.

"Oh, I don't know. In the next few years. Anyway, you don't need a girlfriend yet, do you?"

James made an incoherent response.

"Hmm?"

"What if someone else gets her first?"

"Then you can mend her broken heart. Girls like that."

James made a terribly odd noise.

Remus awkwardly patted James's shoulder, unsure of what else to do.

"JAMES!" Sirius banged into the dorm, unsubtle as ever. "JAMES! Evans looks murderous. I took a photograph. She actually tackled me to the floor. Would you like to see?"

Without waiting for a response, he shoved a stack of photographs into James's hand.

"There's her angry face. The scowl replays quite humorously. That's her noticing me. See how slitted her eyes become? Then here's her dropping her books. I find that photograph hilarious. I'm sure you can see why. And there's her starting to run across the common room. And that one. And that one. That, obviously, is the ceiling..." Sirius shoved his head into James's face. "Cool, eh?"

"Sure."

"You can keep them, if you like."

"Thanks." James turned his heartbroken face into his pillow.

Sirius eyed him curiously until Remus pulled him away.

(-)

Fifteen days later, and the photographs were stuck to the wall in the corner of the room, next to his bed.

It was February 29th, and Sirius and James were celebrating the fact that it was a leap year by leaping between each other's beds, narrowing missing collision with every move.

"Rem, you look ill again," James commented, as he narrowly dodged one of Sirius's flailing arms.

"I feel terrible."

"Why don't you go to the Hospital Wing? Madam Pomfrey will fix you up no problem. I swear that woman works miracles; you remember when Lily stuck that 'ARROGANT' note on my forehead? Lady Pom just tapped it with her wand and it unstuck. Rem, you were poking at it for ages. And Sirius tried to pin me down and rip it off." James almost lost his footing, and Sirius jumped so that the mattress springs made James overbalance, earning a face full of pillow.

Sirius raised his arms in a gesture of success.

"I think I'll leap to the Hospital Wing," Remus agreed, standing up on shaky legs.

"You look in no state to leap, Mr Lupin," said Sirius, looking concerned. "Perhaps if you skipped...?"

Remus threw him a dirty look.

"You're alright?"

"Yes, thank you."

Sirius winked. "We'll come and bring you chocolate in the morning, Remmy."

"See you in the morning," said Remus, slipping out of the dorm.

"Right, Remus's birthday..." began Sirius, eagerly, while Remus was still just in hearing range, making him smile.

(-)

Remus disliked birthdays.

It wasn't that he was ungrateful, it was merely that he hated attention.

Christmas was different. Christmas was a time that everyone bought and received presents, and there was an all-around good, festive feeling.

Birthdays were days of being in the spotlight and being the victim of gifts simply because so many years prior to the day, you had emerged from your mother's uterus. The very thought made him cringe.

Sirius snuck his hand into Remus's tent at about 7am, grappled around blindly for Remus's hand, and eventually pulled him out of his tent and into Sirius's bed, where a steaming tea-pot and two cups sat on a floating chess-board, along with a large chocolate cake. Sirius drew the hangings back so that they were cocooned snugly in the four-poster bed.

"Merry Birthday, Mr Lupin. And how are you this fine morning?" Sirius inquired, as he poured out tea.

"I was dreaming wonderfully until you kidnapped me," Remus said, a little accusingly.

"'Kidnap' is such a strong word..." Sirius set the tea-pot down, and added a splash of milk to each cup. "Cake, good sir?"

"If you feel so inclined, dear Monsieur." Remus took a sip of tea. "Have you been pinching my Earl Gray supplies?"

"Perhaps."

"Very sneaky."

Sirius hacked off a piece of cake with the wrong end of a teaspoon, and placed it on Remus's saucer, and one on his own. "I have purchased and wrapped for you a small gift, which hopefully will not make you want to melt into a blushing puddle."

"Much appreciated," said Remus, sincerely, as Sirius handed him a tea-pot-shaped present. Quickly shredding the paper, Remus uncovered a pretty tea-pot decorated with pictures of gingerbread people. A peep inside proved that it was full of chocolates. "Thank you very much, Sirius. It's a lovely gift."

"I would have preferred a rock, but whatever floats your boat," said Sirius, with a grin.

"And I do believe you," said Remus, with a short laugh.

A loud bang sounded, followed by a curse.

James stuck his bespectacled head into Sirius's bed, grinning. "Hello, Remus. Many happy returns and all that. Peter and I have purchased you some shelving. We're in the process of assembling, so kindly continue your chattering, else you may put us off." And with that, the messy head disappeared.

Remus turned to Sirius. "You planned this?"

"Certainly. Now, eat your cake, and ignore the swearing."

(-)

There were eight shelves in Remus's corner in total; four to the left of the window, and four to the right of his tent, above his trunk.

His books filled the top and third-down shelf above his trunk, and the second-down shelf next to the window, while his new tea-pot took pride of place above the books on its own shelf.

"You're no 12 year-old boy," James complained, sipping his tea as he admired his handiwork.

"How so?" Remus inquired, scrutinising the levelling with a critical eye.

"You're pleased about getting shelves and a tea-pot for your birthday."

"And what do proper 12 year-old boys get?"

"Gillyweed."

"Eurgh. James."

"I can get you gillyweed," Sirius announced, smugly.

"Sirius, no. We don't want gillyweed," said Remus, firmly.

"You won't be saying that in a few years, Remmy," vowed James.

"I'll get you a tea-pot full of it for your sixteenth," said Sirius, with a grin.

"I can't wait," said Remus, dryly, but his mood was lighter than it had been in a long time.

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Kings of Leon; Pickup Truck

(-)

xxxx


	7. I'll be there as soon as I can

**The Mormfongs**

**Thank you so very much to everyone has read this story so far; your responses have been brilliant. Every review, favourite and alert is treasured and cuddled. Virtual white chocolate and Jack Daniels fudge to all, as I've just made a batch :)**

**Disclaimer: I am not JKR. PRAISE HER. **

_I'll be there as soon as I can, but I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before, before you._

(-)

27th March 1972.

James Potter's birthday.

The teacher's looked on in fear as Sirius, Remus, Peter and the birthday boy swaggered into the Great Hall for breakfast.

Their worry was acceptable, however, for as soon as James's foot crossed into the hall, fireworks erupted everywhere; the sparks forming long paper streamers as they fell onto the other squealing students.

Professor McGonagall's lips tightened, and her eyes narrowed further as Professor Flitwick commented on how excellent the charm was.

James, however, looked delighted, and he hugged a resisting Remus tightly, ignoring the boy's pleas to be left alone, for now there was no doubt as to who had performed the spell.

Sirius all but dragged them over to their usual spot at the Gryffindor table, and beamed at the stack of birthday cards that had already been delivered. He took it upon himself to construct James's breakfast -a card-house structure of buttered toast- as the birthday boy opened his cards.

"Mum says hi to you, guys," James announced to his friends, his smile devouring his entire face as he read the long letter from his adoring parents. "You're all welcome to come and stay over for some of the holidays, too, if you want." He put the letter down on the table, and eyed Sirius seriously. "Think your parents will let you come over, mate?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'll put up some Gryffindor hangings, and they'll be happy to see the back of me."

James frowned. "Don't piss them off too much, will you?"

Sirius just grinned like the Cheshire Cat in response.

Remus rolled his eyes.

Peter tried to balance a jam pot on James's breakfast.

Suffice to say, Remus got toast in his tea.

(-)

James's birthday ended in detention for everyone.

Sirius earned the first one, as he had attempted to make some fireworks in his cauldron as a form of celebration. The resulting black sparks had attacked Snape, and formed a cloud of dark smoke which followed the Slytherin around for four hours after the incident. Despite Sirius's attempts to protest his innocence, he had been subjected to a week's detention by an irritable Slughorn, who was in a decidedly bad mood from lack of crystallized pineapple supplies.

Not to be outdone, James decided to raise hell at break-time. The first year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws were spending it in a Charms classroom, and James rustled them up in a game of make-shift muggle rounders.

A scrunched up piece of parchment served as a ball, while an empty firewhiskey bottle was used as a bat. The two Houses formed teams, and the 'batter' stood in the middle of the room, with the desks outlining the room with just enough room to run outside them. The 'bowler' threw the parchment from his place with his back to the wall.

James was first to bat. He raised the bottle with a grin on his face, and managed to smash the 'ball' up on top of the lockers. He dropped the bottle on the floor, leapt over the desk to get to the running perimeter, and set to run past the intervening Ravenclaws, who attempted to tackle him during his run around the room.

The game ended with James being tackled into the wall by a particularly unpleasant Ravenclaw, narrowly avoiding being thrown out of the seventh-floor window.

Professor Flitwick, who had gone unnoticed in the room for the entire time, gave everyone in the room detention.

Peter got his detention in Herbology, by falling backwards into a large tray of rare Venemous Tectacular. Despite nearly losing his ears to the evil plant, Professor Sprout insisted that he had to help her to re-pot them that evening.

Sweet, studious, unassuming Remus earned his detention through a very strange way.

He had left Charms to use the bathroom, and had gotten rather lost in the large castle. As a result, he ended up in what turned out to be a Quidditch closet, though what that was doing so high up in the castle, he would never know.

Unfortunately, however, it seemed that a Bludger had managed to free itself from the holding box, and flew out, narrowly avoiding Remus's head. It shot out into the corridor, and smashed through the nearest door – the teacher's lounge.

They were not impressed.

And so, the four boys ended up in separate detentions, and spent the rest of James's birthday scrubbing cauldrons, shining trophies, re-potting plants, and cleaning broom cupboards.

The evening led to Sirius starting a 'detention tally' on the back of the dormitory door. Remus wasn't at all pleased.

(-)

"SUCCESS!" James shouted, cheerfully, on entry to the dorm the following evening. "I still have all my limbs!"

Remus, Sirius and Peter began to applaud in a confused manner, while James bowed lowly to them.

"Er... where exactly have you been, mate?" Sirius inquired.

James stopped bowing. "What? I interrupted Quidditch practice. I survived playing with the actual Gryffindor team! Captain says that I might get on next year!"

"Really? Blimey, James, that's great!"

"Isn't it?" James beamed for a while, before his expression turned businesslike. "I should go and tell Evans..." And then he bolted out of the dorm.

"She's going to hex him if he comes near her," predicted Peter.

"He looks like a mud monster," Remus agreed, returning to his book.

"That's pretty good, though, isn't it?" said Sirius, wistfully.

"You should get yourself down to training, Sirius," suggested Remus.

"Nah; the Beaters are brilliant, and they're only fifth years. Maybe I'll go in two years time, when I have a chance."

"You want to be a Beater?" Peter inquired.

"Only position worth playing, Pete. The Seeker's just the scrawniest player with half-decent eye-sight. Chasers just throw and drop some massive ball. Keeper is a responsible position. Beaters get to have _clubs_."

Remus smiled. "Where does James want to play?"

"He wants to be a ball-dropper," said Sirius, with a grin.

James burst back into the room; his nose huge and changing colour at an eye-watering rate. "REMUS! SAVE ME!"

Remus sighed, marked his page, and picked up his wand. A quick counter-charm, and James's nose shrunk to normal size and normal-ish colour; being a touch redder than before.

James grabbed a teaspoon to check his reflection, before throwing his arms around his saviour. "Cheers, Rem. I owe you."

"Yes, you owe me a new teaspoon, seeing as you just bent the one you're holding on my spine," replied Remus, grumpily.

"Ah. Apologies."

(-)

"I'm sick of being twelve," moaned James, at breakfast, the following morning. "I want to be a teenager, already. That way, I'll be on the Quidditch team, and we'll be able to go to Hogsmeade, and-"

"-we can go all moody and wear eye-liner..." mused Sirius, gazing longingly at the gig listings at the back of the Daily Prophet.

James shot him an almost frightened glance at the mention of make-up.

"Though being seventeen would be even more desirable," sighed Sirius, his eyes slightly glazed.

"Nah, mate, there's fun enough for us to have before we turn into responsible adults," said James.

"Us? Responsible adults? Please."

"Besides," said James, "we don't have to actually be seventeen to drink and smoke gillyweed."

Sirius grinned. "Bring on next year!"

Remus coughed pointedly.

"Fine. Third year."

Cough.

"Fourth."

Snuffle.

"Fifth. No later."

"Hmm."

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Muse; Unintended

(-)

xxxx


	8. School's out for summer

**The Mormfongs**

**Thank you so very much to everyone has read this story so far; your responses have been brilliant. Every review, favourite and alert is treasured and cuddled. What shall I bake you lot? Flapjacks? Or strawberry-and-cream muffins?**

**Disclaimer: I am not JKR. PRAISE HER. **

_School's out for summer, school's out forever, school's been blown to pieces. No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks._

(-)

April Fools Day.

While other students were colour-changing each other's ties to Slytherin colours, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter had far more elaborate pranks to put into motion.

Through some subtle threats and much bargaining, they had managed to gain ownership of a few dozen Cornish Pixies.

Sirius managed to keep them relatively quiet in his bag on the way down to breakfast, but the grins plastered on their faces made their fellow students give them an incredibly wide berth in the corridors.

Unfortunately, just as they were tucking into scrambled eggs, Frank Longbottom was tripped by a Slytherin, and fell onto Sirius's bag, causing chaos.

Pixies zoomed out, cheerfully smashing crockery as they flew about, causing havoc.

Not a moment later, there was a loud cackle, and Peeves soared into the Great Hall, pelting the students below with stink bombs.

"Eurgh. Sirius." Remus wasn't approving, at all.

"What? It's awesome!"

"I can't breathe!" Peter protested. He did look a touch green.

"Breathing is boring," retorted James, high-fiving Sirius. "To Charms?"

"Lead on!"

(-)

After dinner, all four of them were detained by Professor McGonagall, who enlisted them in the task of cleaning up the Great Hall, without magic. An essay was also due the following day, titled: "Why April Fools Day Is Not An Excuse For Misbehaving".

Remus -who had been the least involved in the prank- churned out a two-foot long essay, and stabbed Sirius with his quill when he requested some help in writing his own.

Peter wrote a short paragraph in the largest handwriting that he could quite manage.

James cheerfully declared that he would write it in the morning, and promptly fell asleep.

Sirius -still rubbing the stab-mark on his hand- smirked darkly, and also retired to bed.

The following morning, Professor McGonagall received four pieces of parchment on her desk: Remus's scroll, Peter's piece of parchment, and two scraps of paper from James and Sirius.

One read:

_Professor~ I left my essay in the common room, and I can't remember the password. Hopefully you understand how much of an issue this is. Your sympathy in the matter is highly appreciated. ~J Potter_

The other:

_My darling Minnie,_

_Huge issue, my dear: my three-headed dog ate my essay. Remus can testify. _

_Your love-muffin,_

_Siri xoxox_

_PS. Proper mourning that essay. It was brill._

Professor McGonagall sighed; she wondered how Remus had survived so long without pleading for a dorm transfer.

(-)

Spring merged into Summer; resulting in several more mishaps, experiments, and detentions, which were counted carefully by the boys and marked on the back of the dorm door. Their friendship also grew hugely, until they were nigh-on inseparable, despite their differences.

James and Sirius; the notorious pranksters, were like brothers in their bond: same pureblood family, same wealth, and same sense of mischief.

Remus and Peter; less outwardly rebellious, and therefore highly underestimated, for without their input, the pranks that the group played would be considerably less interesting.

James and Peter had a friendship that was based around playful teasing and genuine adoration. James basked in the way that Peter listened to his every word, and so tried to return to offer as best he could.

Sirius and Remus had a friendship that couldn't quite be summarised in so few words. Whenever Remus was ill, he looked to Sirius for aid first, and always received it, for Sirius doted on the brown-haired boy; whether it was with his liking for tea-parties, wishes to go to the library, sheer requirement for chocolate, or simply Remus's eccentric quirks. In return, Remus made Sirius smile in ways that James couldn't; charming him with muggle quotes and strange little presents, little Remus-y things that only Remus could pull off.

James and Remus had a strange relationship. This was mostly because James simply couldn't understand Remus in the way that Sirius could. But to give him his due, James continued to try to please the other boy, despite his incomprehension of what he was trying to achieve. In response, Remus often provided James with wicked ideas for pranks that were sophisticated and elaborate enough to be achievements if they worked.

Sirius and Peter were like distant cousins. They were close, but simply had too little in common to be best friends. Sirius thought Peter was a touch too dim, too tame. Peter thought that Sirius was off his rocker.

Peter's birthday -June 20th- was coincidentally on the day that the school broke for the Summer holidays, so presents were given to him on the Hogwarts Express; due to both James and Sirius leaving their packing until the morning of their day of departure.

Refreshments were handily supplied by the lady pushing the trolley, and so they enjoyed a large picnic in their compartment.

Only Remus noticed quite how glum and withdrawn Sirius was being.

"You know, I think I'll have better luck with Lily next year," James declared, cheerfully.

Remus nudged Sirius's foot with his own. "OK?" he mouthed.

The corner of Sirius's mouth lifted for a moment, before dropping back down into the standard straight line.

"My dear comrade looks so Sirius," James teased, throwing his arm around the Black. "Planning pranks, mate?"

"Sure," said Sirius, tonelessly. He gazed out of the window.

"You can come over to mine whenever you want," James vowed, "and you can stay until we go back to Hogwarts. Mum won't mind."

"Really?"

"Course. Just owl me before you arrive, so Mum can dust or whatever it is that Mums insist on doing before we get visitors."

Sirius half-smiled again.

"In the meantime, you can ensure that your little brother makes it into Gryffindor, or else we'll be obliged to prank him with the rest of the slimy buggers!"

The smile dropped.

"Rem, you'll come over, won't you?" James said.

"If our parents don't mind," said Remus.

"Pete?"

"I'll talk to Mum. This is brilliant chocolate, by the way, James. Thanks."

James grinned. "Remus chose it. He sure eats enough of it to know which is the best."

Remus smiled sheepishly.

"Well, Remus, your taste in chocolate is quite unrivalled," announced Peter, with a chocolatey grin.

"You seem surprised by this fact," said James.

The train pulled to a standstill. Students began to spill onto the platform.

Peter and James began to rifle through the sweet papers, finding the left-over sweets to share out. James slid the last bar of chocolate into Remus's hand.

"Come on," said James, pulling Sirius to his feet.

Peter led the way out from their compartment to the closest exit, and soon they were surrounded by a swirl of fellow students and their parents. Remus trailed at the back of their line, to ensure that Sirius didn't sneak off.

They met Mr and Mrs Potter, who called each boy by name without needing James to introduce them.

Peter's parents came and stole their child away, with much waving and promises to send letters.

Remus's father approached them -a tall man wearing a shabby yet well-fitting three-piece suit- and pulled his son into a one-armed hug. "Ready to go, Remus?"

Hurriedly, Remus broke off a square of chocolate from the bar that James had given to him. With a smile, he balanced it on top of Sirius's nose, earning a grin.

"At least one piece of chocolate and a smile per day," Remus scolded him. "Don't think I didn't notice you bypassing the ritual this morning."

Sirius knocked the square of chocolate into the air, and caught it between his straight, white teeth, quite like a well-trained dog.

"Good puppy," said Remus, approvingly, tempted to scratch Sirius's ears, or at least pat him on the head. "Have fun corrupting your baby brother."

"Yes, Mum," replied Sirius.

"And we'll see you some when in the holidays," said James; his tone leaving no room for arguments.

"Cheers, guys," said Sirius, fondly.

"Have a good summer!"

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Alice Cooper; School's Out

(-)

**Oh, blimey-'eck, where has the time gone? The next chapter will feature the summer holidays, and then it's back for Second Year! Oh, the little Mormfongs grow up so fast... [sniffles]**

**On a more Sirius note, I'd like to publically thank: WizardWay, Raven-of-the-forests, livi harkness and owl-eats-waffles for consistently reviewing pretty much every chapter. RuterDam seems to be on the way to joining them, too ;) And hello, Jack: you are unsubtle as always, darling.** THANK YOU.

xxxx


	9. Can it be a pincushion?

**The Mormfongs**

**Oodles of love for everyone who has taken the time to read this nonsense. Maple and pecan danishes and bourbon buttons to all!**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER. **

_Can it be a pincushion? No! Pincushions never grow in the fields where daisies blow_

(-)

_REMUS WE MISS YOU_

_HI it's James + Sirius at the Potters place where Mrs Potter makes REALLY good cakes + stuff. COME AND VISIT. Her cookies have CHOCOLATE and I bet your mouth is watering at the very word. CHOCOLATE. Hurry or we will eat them all. Mrs Potter says come whenever. Reply + floo over PLEASSSSSSE. **CHOCOLATE.**_

_James + Sirius_

(-)

_To James and Sirius,_

_Hello! So good to hear from you both! How are your holidays going so far? Bit ill at the moment, but I'll happily come over next Friday, if that's OK? Can I stay the night? _

_How is your homework going? I found the Transfiguration essay pleasantly challenging. NO, you may NOT copy it._

_Hope to see you soon,_

_Remus_

(-)

_REMUS_

_You can't be ill AGAIN eurgh we'll have to find a less sick friend JOKING WE LOVE YOU._

_We're causing havoc for poor Mrs Potter. Come over + save her HINT. _

_Come on friday + stay for the week or at least the weekend. _

_We have proudly done no homework. Us? Copy? Pah._

_YOU'D BETTER BE HERE ON FRIDAY!_

_J+S_

(-)

_To James and Sirius,_

_Glad to hear that you are... alive and well. _

_Sorry, but can I meet you in Diagon Alley on Wednesday instead?_

_You had better do that homework. _

_I'm really not letting you copy it on the train._

_Missing you both immensely, _

_Remus_

(-)

_REM_

_We nearly died from lack of Remus-ness on friday. You PROMISED. TRAITOR._

_We've already been to Diagon Alley but we'll happily lug your books around for you if you want._

_Times, mum wants times? You know how mums are. TIMES?_

_You had better be there else we shall kidnap you + withhold chocolate because we're that evil._

_TIMES._

_J+S_

(-)

_To James and Sirius,_

_I can definitely make Wednesday, at 11am if that's all right, outside the Leaky Cauldron? _

_See you soon!_

_Remus_

(-)

_Times have been nodded at by mum. Over._

_J+S_

_PS. We need to work a code out for next year._

(-)

Remus stood awkwardly outside the pub in the busy street of Diagon Alley. He checked the pocket watch that his Uncle had given him. 11.20.

Remus sighed, and re-shouldered his back-pack, which was slipping off his shoulder with intent.

Quite suddenly, he was set upon and nearly trampled by two hyperactive black-haired specimens, who seemed keen on tackling him to the cobbles.

"REMUS!"

"Sorry we're late, but Sirius insisted on talking to the weird muggle wearing some sort of cow...?" James let go of Remus, grinning.

Sirius, however, took a while longer to dislodge.

Remus patted him awkwardly on the head. "So... good Summer?"

"Not bad at all," said James, ruffling his hair. "Sirius and I have made several plans for mischief, you'll be pleased to know."

"Can't wait. Have you heard from Peter at all?"

Sirius finally stood up straight. "He writes the most boring letters ever. Haven't you?"

"Eh, no," said Remus, "I tried to write, but my Dad's owl just shrugged when I told him where to deliver it to."

"You didn't miss much," James assured him.

"He has a rat infestation at his house, but his parents can't bring themselves to get rid of them," Sirius elaborated, with an eye roll.

"Oh," said Remus. "I found a family of hedgehogs in my garden. Six of them. They're quite adorable."

"Do you have pictures?" Sirius asked, his stormy grey eyes turning puddly.

Remus fumbled in his pockets, and brought out two muggle photographs.

"They're not moving," stated James, apologetically. "You didn't mention that they were dead."

"Muggle photograph," Remus informed him.

"Thank Merlin for that," said James. "Never had you down for the type that photographs dead animals, but you never know..."

"Blimey, James, you have such a high opinion of our Rem," muttered Sirius, craning his neck to look at the frozen photographs.

"Here are Mrs Quillium Shakespike and Hamish," said Remus, proudly displaying the first picture. "They're the proud parents of..." He brought the next photo to the front. "Cecil, Cyril, Cedric, and Sydney, who are still very, very tiny. They are two to a palm."

James Potter -future world-class Chaser and self-proclaimed uncompromisingly manly man- got suddenly moist eyes at the picture.

"Are you bringing them to Hogwarts?" Sirius asked, finally managing to trust his voice not to crack girlishly.

"Oh, I can't do that. Protected species. Wild hedgehogs belong in the wild. Four little ones with parents should never be disturbed. Adorable, though." Remus's tone was wistful.

"Don't you want a pet of any sort, though?" James asked, thinking of his own owl; Snitchy.

Remus shook his head. "No. Animals shouldn't be kept against their will. Cages are simply horrible. I can't agree with them."

"What about a cat?" James suggested, after a pause.

Both Remus and Sirius screwed their noses up.

"Furry little ball-lickers," Sirius summarised.

"High-class and creepily attentive," agreed Remus.

James laughed. "That's a firm 'no', then."

"Quite," said Remus.

"Pretty cool that school starts on a Friday, huh?" said Sirius, as they started to walk, aiming for Flourish and Blotts.

"Yeah," said James, "weekend off to get homework done, and first lessons on Monday! Brilliant!"

"Only you two would think of it like that," said Remus, as they entered the book shop.

"And how does Remmy think of it?" James inquired.

"Two days to unpack and settle in again," said Remus, his fingers trailing longingly across the new, stiff spines of the shelves of books.

They made their way over to the second-hand section.

"Can't I buy you new ones?" Sirius almost begged. "They can be a Christmas present."

"I like old books," Remus replied, mildly, yet truthfully. They smelt nicer. "Besides, I'd like a nicer present than school books."

"Rem, you appear to have found a sense of humour," noted James, with a grin.

Sirius shrugged, relenting, and held his arms out for Remus to stack his purchases onto.

Once paid for, they made their way to the Potions supplier, and bought a new stash of basic ingredients.

"Robes?" James said, after they left the strange-smelling shop.

"Nah; a lengthening charm will do," said Remus, easily.

"Then butterbeer it is!" declared Sirius, leading them into the Leaky Cauldron.

Remus and Sirius found a table, while James puffed out his unimpressive chest and went up to the bar to order, in a manly fashion.

"You weren't too ill, were you?" Sirius inquired of Remus, as they sat down.

"Not too bad, no," replied Remus, truthfully. "Hopefully I'll be less ill this year."

"Mm," agreed Sirius. "We can't have you sneezing while we're hiding in broom cupboards at 3am, else Filch will chop us up and give us to the House Elves to use as bones for stock."

"Charming visual," murmured Remus, with a smile.

James plonked three mugs down on their table, and tried to sit down on the chair on which Remus's books were neatly stacked; scattering them.

The occupants of the table next to them rolled their eyes. One muttered: 'teenagers' in a mildly irritated tone.

James leaned forwards excitedly. "Did you hear that? He thinks we're thirteen already!"

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Author Unknown; The Hedgehog

(-)

**I had four baby hedgehogs in my garden last summer. SO CUTE. I've never quite gotten over how strange they are... [SIGH]**

**Thanks for reading! Please leave notes! They make me write extra fast!**

xxxx


	10. I'm not what you wanted

**The Mormfongs**

**Oooooh blimey-'eck. Tough week. Had a job interview. Just got a call saying I've got a trial! Cute little cake shop. Hope this works out. I'm sick of the restaurant and the constant smell of bacon fat which surrounds me. I'M A VEGETARIAN.**

**On a brighter note, thank you sooooo much to everyone who has reviewed and alerted and favourited and lurked. I love you all. Individual praises can be found at the bottom of the page.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER. **

_I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted, I'm sorry, sorry I let you down and I couldn't use some poor excuse because the hardest thing to say, it's the hardest thing to say in the world: yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry._

(-)

Second year at Hogwarts began with James and Sirius terrorizing the First Years with gusto.

Two unsuspecting newbies -positively shaking with fear and excitement- made the error of mistaking Remus, Sirius, James and Peter for fellow First Years.

Remus happily invited them to sit with them, while James burst into a giggle fit and Sirius cracked his knuckles pointedly.

"So, what House do you guys reckon you'll be in?" asked the bolder of the two firsties.

"Gryffindor," Remus, Sirius, James and Peter chorused.

"How can you be so sure?"

James started hiccuping.

"Call it intuition," said Remus, with a secretive smile.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"What about you two?" Peter asked them.

The two First Years shrugged.

"Hufflepuff, I suppose," said one, in a resigned tone of voice.

"Nothing wrong with Hufflepuff," said Remus.

"But they're all huffy and puffy," muttered Sirius.

James was clutching his side, looking pained.

"They huff and they puff and they blow you away," murmured Remus.

"So there are werewolves in Hufflepuff?" the more timid First Year squeaked.

"Definitely," said Sirius, "though how you came to that conclusion, I have no idea."

"The big bad wolf," said Remus. "Haven't you read Little Red Riding Hood?"

"No, but it sounds kinky."

"You're perverse."

"I'm nearly thirteen!" Sirius defended.

James was struggling for breath.

The bolder First Year frowned. "You're Second Years, aren't you?"

"Very much so," said Remus.

"So, piss off," added Sirius.

The two younger boys stood up, grabbed their trunks, and exited the compartment.

James's nose started bleeding.

"Definitely little 'Puffs."

(-)

"Remus! You're not ill yet!" Sirius exclaimed, two weeks into the school year.

Remus looked up from his Astronomy book. "I feel quite well so far," he admitted.

"Brilliant! Keep that going, and you can try out for the Quidditch team with us!"

"Er... no."

"Why not?" Sirius demanded. "You're a fair flyer."

"I'd rather not test my already questionable health," said Remus, rather primly.

"Hmph. Alright. You have to come and cheer us on, though."

"Naturally. I'll make charmed banners with Peter."

"That's a good plan, actually; none of us have girlfriends, so we need groupies of some sort."

Remus made a curious spluttering noise. "Sirius!"

"What? You don't have a girlfriend, do you?"

"No! And why would I want one? I'm only 12!"

"Then why the splutter?" Sirius asked.

"I am _not _your 'groupie'! You're not in a rock band! You're not even on the team!"

"Yet."

(-)

23rd September 1972.

Remus was ill.

He was in the hospital wing... supposedly.

At eight o'clock in the evening, Sirius went to visit him, armed with chocolate and books, only to be rebuffed by Madam Pomfrey, who said that Remus was sleeping and was not to be disturbed.

And so, Sirius was sitting on the floor of the dorm, wrapped up in one of Remus's cosy wool blankets, staring at the calendar on the wall, gazing at the tiny circle that he himself had drawn on the day square.

_To express his new found enthusiasm for Astronomy, he wrote down when the full moon was due to occur each month on the calendar. Remus shot him odd looks in response, but said nothing._

_They huff and they puff and they blow you away._

_I should keep you on a leash so that you can't leave me. Please don't. Will it end badly? Quite potentially._

_So there are **werewolves** in Hufflepuff?_

_Encountered a rather grumpy hippogriff._

_Haven't you read **Little Red Riding Hood**?_

_31st December 1971 had a small circle for the full moon in the square, along with the words: **'Remus abandoned me!'** written in an accusing scrawl. _

_**The big bad wolf.**_

**Oh... shit.**

(-)

The following evening, Remus returned to the dorm.

Sirius sat in his own bed, twiddling his thumbs, trying to pluck up the courage to confront the other boy.

He took a deep breath for the seventeenth time, and threw back the curtains, clambering out of the four-poster.

"Remus!" Sirius had his head shoved into Remus's tent.

Remus rolled over in response.

Sirius sighed, retracted his head, and replaced his arm in, which shuffled around in the bed covers until it found Remus's wrist, which he tugged on repeatedly.

"Sirius, I'm ill," Remus almost whined, as he allowed himself to be pulled out of his cosy tent.

Sirius ignored him, and pulled him into his bed, where he pulled the curtains sharply closed around them.

Remus raised one sleepy eyebrow, and then another when Sirius pulled him onto his lap, burying his nose into Remus's sandy hair. "Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you treating me like a kitten?"

Sirius smiled darkly. "You're not a cat, are you, Moony?"

Remus started at the new nickname, pulling away. "No, I'm not," he said, cautiously. "McGonagall is, though. Partly."

Sirius's steel eyes met his. "I worked it out, Rem. Can't believe it took me so long. Especially with that damn calendar."

Remus shivered. "I couldn't tell you, Sirius. I'm sorry. I'll... I'll leave. I'm sorry..." He shifted, trying to escape Sirius's embrace.

"What? Why are you leaving?"

"Umm..."

James's face appeared in the folds of the curtains. "Alright, Rem? You're squirming."

"I-I..."

"Sirius, I think you may be choking him."

"Hush up, James; we're snuggling in a manly fashion. Carry on, Remus."

Remus was beyond confused: Sirius had discovered his deepest, darkest secret, and was holding him prisoner. It was an affectionate prison, though. Affectionate and mind-bogglingly confusing. "I don't know w-what you want me to s-say."

"You can tell him," said Sirius.

"Tell me what?" James inquired, shifting so that he was sitting opposite them on the bed.

"I-I-I..."

"Oh, for Melin's sake," muttered Sirius. "Jamie-boy, our Rem is a-"

"Werewolf," Remus finished, glumly.

"Oh, that," said James, sounding relieved. "Merlin, don't scare me like that; I thought you were going to say something terrible."

For the first time in his life, Sirius Black was speechless.

"I'm not q-quite sure that you understand, J-James," said Remus, cautiously.

"Well, I worked it out three months ago-"

"YOU WHAT?" Sirius yelped, tossing Remus off his lap in his effort to tackle James. "YOU KNEW?"

"What? Merlin... Sirius, get OFF me! Of course I knew! Have you only just figured it out? I thought you were sharper than that, you mutt..."

Remus could only watch -utterly gobsmacked- as Sirius tackled James off his bed, before yanking him back onto it.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"Well, it doesn't matter to me, so there was no point in- GURPH! Remus!" James fell back onto the floor as Remus pounced on him, hugging him tightly.

"I love you, too!" Sirius announced, piling onto the other two with typical gusto.

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

The Maine; I'm Sorry

(-)

**Many thanks to my gorgeous reviewers: WizardWay, livi harkness, Sparkling Soul, Raven-of-the-forests, GixieChic, LoveLiterature, and my apparent new wife Kimmimaru. [Don't tell the people who just alert this, but I love you reviewers the best!] :)**

**Please leave me some notes? I reply!**

xxxx


	11. To prove they love each other

**The Mormfongs**

**Job trial went, ahem, er... yeah. It was appalling. I spent the whole day cleaning the kitchen, because there were only five orders. FIVE. For the WHOLE DAY. I got offered the job, but had to turn it down. Ah, well, at least I can save my baking skills for use on my family and friends! A batch of strawberry and white chocolate muffins for my lady on Valentines Day, and another for my dear co-workers! I really wish that I could send some to all of my lovely readers...**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER. **

_Picture book, of people with each other, to prove they love each other, a long time ago_

(-)

Remus was roused from his pleasant slumber by an insistent shake of his shoulder by an unidentified hand.

"Oi."

_Eurgh. James._

Remus opened one eye, and found James's face not two inches from his own, with his spectacles hanging lower. James pushed them up impatiently.

"Remus? Are you awake?"

Remus opened his other eye. "Certainly."

"Tea?"

"It's 5 o'clock. Why are you up so early?"

"I thought we'd have a talk," said James, still hovering dangerously close.

"Mind backing up a foot or so?" Remus inquired, cautiously.

"Huh? Oh. Right. Dreadfully low ceiling, old chap. Join us out in a few, will you? And bring cushions." James retreated from Remus's tent, with a wink.

Remus blinked several times, before sitting up. He pulled a jumper on over his pyjamas, and ventured out into the cool dormitory.

Sirius was sat on the floor, lounging against one of his bedposts, looking bleary eyed. He grinned lazily at Remus as he came into view.

James was struggling into his robes in the corner, a toothbrush wedged firmly between his teeth.

Defiantly, Peter was still in bed.

"Tea?" Remus suggested, fetching his teapot.

"Do you have any biscuits?" Sirius inquired, helping Remus to gather the cups and saucers.

"I'm afraid not," admitted Remus.

"No worries; Mum sent us some," James announced, through a mouthful of toothpaste. He went to the bathroom, spat, rinsed, and located a tin of Ginger Newts. "PETER!"

Peter grumbled, and literally rolled out of bed, landing with an 'oof!' on the floor. He wrapped his blanket around himself, and shuffled over to where the others had congregated.

Remus poured out the tea.

"So... when did it happen?" James inquired, exchanging a biscuit for a cup of tea.

"When I was four," said Remus. "Sugar, Sirius?"

"No, thank you. My teeth aren't as sweet as yours, Rem."

"Do you know who did it?" James asked.

"No. But I can't blame him. I'm sure that he made every precaution to avoid it, but even the safest of us occasionally wriggle free." Remus added two lumps to his cup, and stirred.

Peter took a biscuit from James, and dunked it. "We should have morning tea parties more often."

Sirius spared him a sideways glance, which went unnoticed. "Does it hurt?"

"It's worse than... anything." Remus took a sip of tea.

"Where do you go to... you know?"

"A little house," said Remus. "In Hogsmeade. Via a secret tunnel. It's safe. Dumbledore organized it for me."

"So he does know? Good. Do any of the teachers?" James was curious.

"Madam Pomfrey-"

"_Obviously_," muttered Sirius.

"-and Professor McGonagall."

"Hmm."

"Another?" Remus offered, indicating James's empty cup.

"Please."

Remus refilled.

"Why did you keep this a secret?" Sirius asked, through a mouthful of biscuit.

"You all grew up in magical households. You know the prejudices."

"But you're our friend."

"And I didn't want to spoil that," replied Remus, with a sad little smile.

"I can understand that," said James, "but my family isn't the traditional pureblood family. We don't hold the same views as most. And you know that Sirius is nothing like the rest of his family."

"Besides," said Sirius, "it's only one day a month. For the rest of the time, you're completely normal. You keep photographs of _hedgehogs_, for Merlin's sake!"

"Speaking of which," said James, "can I stick them on the wall? I'm building up a montage."

"Of course," said Remus, locating a particular book. He took the two photographs out from inside the cover, and handed them to James.

"Still as adorable..." James almost cooed, clutching them to his chest.

"Blimey, Rem, you simply _can't_ be a threat to humans. I mean..." Sirius waved towards the photographs. "I'm surprised that you aren't vegetarian."

Remus laughed. "No; the wolf craves blood, even if it has to be in the form of a ham and cucumber sandwich."

"Really? Is that your prey?"

"On occasion. You ought to be grateful."

"Oh, I am, you charming little werewolf."

"Who's a werewolf?" Peter demanded, nearly choking on his tea.

"Well.. Rem," said Sirius.

With a girlish shriek, Peter scrabbled around for something to defend himself from the bookish second year with. He settled on brandishing the teaspoon from his saucer at Remus, who peered at it, confused.

"What are you doing with that, Pete?" James inquired, pleasantly.

"It's silver!" Peter declared, his pale eyes wide.

"It's stainless steel," Remus murmured.

"Does silver even affect you?" asked Sirius, calmly.

"No."

"Garlic?" James suggested.

"That's vampires, dolt," muttered Sirius.

"I knew I should have had garlic bread for dinner last night..." Peter pouted.

"I'm really not afraid of a culinary herb," pointed out Remus.

"Crucifixes?" asked James.

"No."

"Holy Water?"

"No."

"What about-?"

"Is there a cure?" Sirius interrupted.

"Not that we know of," said Remus.

"We'll find one," James promised, with utter confidence.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "Just you wait."

(-)

"Remus is right. There is no cure," announced James, throwing down the book he had been reading.

They were in the library -voluntarily- and Sirius was growing increasingly anxious under the penetrating gaze of Madam Pince.

"There must be! There's a cure to everything!" Peter protested.

"People invent stuff all the time; maybe we just need to hang on for that," suggested James.

"We could be the inventors!" Sirius declared.

James made a face. "I somehow doubt that Remus would appreciate us testing different unknown potions on him."

"Why not? He's a good sport!"

"You're twelve!"

"So are you!"

"BOYS! Quiet in the library!" Madam Pince snapped, glaring at them.

"Sorry, Madam," the boys muttered, and she left them.

"No," said James, "we shall try and make Remus as comfortable as possible for his... monthlies... and for now, that will have to suffice. Agreed?"

"Unless we find something," interjected Sirius.

"Quite."

(-)

The next morning, and normality was restored. They were almost late for first lesson, and James wasn't yet dressed correctly.

"Sirius, have you seen my Charms essay?" James asked, as he tugged on his Gryffindor tie.

"Why, yes, I set fire to it."

James paused, almost overbalancing as he tried to pull on his socks. "What?"

"Withhold secrets from me, and I will vandalize your homework!" Sirius declared.

"Are you still sour because I didn't tell you my suspicions?" James demanded.

"Yes," replied Sirius, simply. "Are you quite ready yet, Potter? Slughorn won't be impressed."

James huffed. "Well, why didn't Pete and Rem wake us up before they went for breakfast?"

"Remus did. You threw your shoe at him."

"Ah. Any idea where that went?"

"No. You'll have to go bare-foot."

"SIRIUS! You are so unhelpful today!"

"You withheld important information from me! We're supposed to be brothers-in-everything-but-blood!"

"Purebloods are all messed up. I'm sure there's blood in there somewhere," James muttered. "WHERE IS MY LEFT SHOE?"

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

The Kinks; Picture Book

(-)

**Many thanks to my gorgeous reviewers: Narcissa Raie, it will always be a mystery, owl-eats-waffles, Kimmimaru, Pwwb, Meridas, GixieChic, WizardWay, Sparkling Soul, livi harkness, and Raven-of-the-forests. You are all lovely and wonderful and so bloomin' quick!**

**Any plans for Valentines Day peoples?**

xxxx


	12. They're always right

**The Mormfongs**

**Had a brilliant night out last night with very dear friend who I rarely see these days. Got a touch pissed. Realized that I smoke too much.**

**You guys are amazing. You really do warm the cockles of my heart. Serinal, LoveLiterature, brilliant incandescence, Rutu, Raven-of-the-forests, Meridas, Sparkling Soul, WizardWay, Kimmimaru, and livi harkness... I adore you all. xXxXxXx**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER.**

_Some people think they're always right, others are quiet and uptight, others, they seem so very nice, nice, nice, nice, oh, inside they might feel sad and wrong._

(-)

After two weeks, Sirius's habit of setting fire to James's homework mostly ceased, and balance was restored in the group.

The revelation of Remus's secret led to a calmer, more mature atmosphere in the dormitory... for some of the time.

"So, I was thinking, for Sirius's birthday," began James. He was in the bathroom with Remus, drinking tea as Remus brushed his teeth. "I have no idea of what to get him as a present. You?"

"I was going to go with a rock again," Remus admitted.

"A fine plan, but I was musing my brains last night, and came to the idea of perhaps playing a prank on the entire school. What better way to cheer up our dear Sirius than to cause suffering and misery to innocent students?"

Remus frowned. "A harmless prank I will aid you with."

"Ah. Yes. Harmless. Of course." James winked.

"Don't wink at me; I mean it."

"OK, ideas for a harmless prank, dear Remmy?"

"Well..." Remus considered his toothbrush thoughtfully. "There is one, I suppose..."

(-)

Sirius's birthday began very unassumingly; comprising of present-giving of small, simple, yet personal gifts, and a small tea party.

All was well, until the four boys left the dormitory, when Sirius realized that something terribly odd was occurring.

James was walking down the staircase in front of him, and his footprints were marked with... paw-prints. As were Peter's. And Remus's. And his own.

Sirius checked the soles of his shoes, but there was no obvious change to them. He touched his finger to one of the paw-prints, but it was dry and smooth to the touch. He stared at Remus, silently demanding an answer, but merely received a wink in response.

"Remus, you cruel, cruel non-teenager."

Their journey down to the Great Hall for breakfast confirmed to the confused birthday boy that everyone was leaving trails of paw-prints in their wakes, including the teachers.

Professor McGonagall strode over to their end of the table, looking positively annoyed. "Boys, what is the meaning of this?"

"Oh, Miss, it's harmless fun!" Sirius declared, thickly buttering a crumpet.

She turned her piercing gaze onto him. "Congratulations, Mr Black, you are now prime suspect in this ridiculous mischief."

"He's not responsible!" James protested.

"It was us," said Remus, glumly, resenting his own mind for concocting the prank in the first place.

"Yeah," added Peter, after receiving a look from James.

"Oh, that's right, edge me out of this brilliance!" Sirius grumbled, sounding genuinely disappointed.

"And how long will these things last?" Professor McGonagall demanded.

"Just for the day, Professor," Remus assured her.

"They'd better not last longer, else you'll all be scrubbing the floors for detention," she warned.

James saluted her with a piece of toast.

(-)

"Remus, that was brilliant!" Sirius declared, flopping down onto his mattress contentedly.

"Quite so," James agreed, flinging his tie into a corner, and kicking off his shoes. His robes merged with Peter's hangings, and his jumper hit the window. "I'm going to grab a shower. Then I've got a surprise for you eager little buggers." He disappeared into the bathroom, leaving a trail of his school shirt, trousers, and socks.

"More surprises?" Sirius inquired.

"Nothing to do with me," said Peter.

"Nor me," added Remus, perching on the window ledge next to James's jumper.

"I'm worried," said Sirius. "Remus, that spell was amazing. You'll have to teach me."

"I'll lend you the book," said Remus, brightly.

"Can't you just... write down the incantation?"

"Book or nothing."

"But it's my birthday!"

"Book or nothing."

"Then nothing, you grumpy werewolf," said Sirius, sulkily.

Remus smiled, and Sirius's stormy sea eyes twinkled.

James burst back into the dormitory, wearing broomstick-printed boxers.

Sirius threw a shirt at him. "Potter, it's October. Dress accordingly."

James dragged the t-shirt on, and rifled under his bed for a while, before pulling out four bottles of butterbeer. "So, Mum and Dad sent us some goodies..."

(-)

Less than three weeks later was Remus's first moon since the others found out his secret.

Sirius insisted on accompanied the reluctant werewolf to the hospital wing at lunch time, and shamelessly begged Madam Pomfrey to let him go with them to the Whomping Willow, but was steadfastly refused by the matron.

"Certainly not, Mr Black. You are to return to your lessons this instant. Remus is quite safe in my care."

"But you don't-"

"Don't you believe my training to be sufficient, Mr Black?" she demanded.

"Yeah, but-"

"Do you believe that you could help him more than I can, medically?"

"No, but-"

"And do you wish for me to place you in detention and refuse you admission to the hospital wing as a visitor for the rest of your school career?"

"You can't-"

"Believe me, Mr Black, I can. Now, OUT."

(-)

"Remus, that woman is a grouchy hag. I don't know why you speak so highly of her." Sirius was kneeling on the floor of the hospital wing the following morning, his chin perched atop Remus's blankets in a puppy-like manner.

"She looks after me very well," Remus argued tiredly.

"Well, I had to help her to change beds before she let me see you this morning," Sirius complained. He pulled a slightly squashed chocolate frog out of his pocket, and pressed it into Remus's palm. "There you go, Rem. Chocolate solves everything."

"Correct. Full marks."

Sirius beamed. "James took Trans notes for you, and Evans took Charms for you."

Remus looked surprised. "Lily? Really?"

"Yeah, she's top of the class, so she offered." Sirius pulled a few sheets of parchment from his bag, and put them on the bedside table. "How was it?"

"Hm?"

"Last night."

"Oh. It was... alright. Nothing too bad."

"But you look so... drained," Sirius protested.

"Oh, Sirius, you mustn't worry about me," Remus said. "Go to breakfast, or else you'll be late to Potions."

"Will you be back this evening?"

"Probably. I expect so."

"I'll bring you back some dinner," Sirius promised. "I dread to think what Matron feeds you..." He stood up, slung his bag over his shoulder, and awkwardly patted Remus on the head. "Snooze well, Moony. See you later."

(-)

True to his word, Remus returned to the dorm while the others were at dinner, and settled on the window ledge, wrapped in a blanket with a book and a cup of tea.

When the others returned, they moved onto the floor -cushioned by blankets and pillows- and shared a cosy picnic with hot chocolate, pumpkin pasties, and chunks of apple cake.

Sirius gave Remus his notebook from Potions and Herbology to copy from, and loyally stayed up with him.

While Remus steadily made notes of Sirius's notes, Sirius decorated the wall paper of his corner of the dorm with peppered paw-prints of variable sizes.

Later that night, Remus returned Sirius's textbook, and said goodnight.

Sirius flicked through the pages of his book, rediscovering little quotes in Remus's precise handwriting:

_Dreams are the answers to tomorrow's questions_

_Would you like to hear my poem about a salt shaker?_

_Marauder → a bandit, outlaw, raider or such like, who moves about in a roving fashion looking for plunder._

_The bigger the group, the safer the group, but the more problematic the group._

_Ananke → the Greek word for inevitability_

_Happy 13th Birthday Sirius! PAWPRINTS!_

_Your notes are appalling, puppy. But thanks!_

_SMILE, it's Tuesday!_

Sirius smiled to himself, and retired to bed.

(-)

"EVERYONE HAS GONE MAD!"

James and Sirius burst back into the dorm, after venturing down to the common room in search of James's right shoe.

It was the morning of October 31st 1972, and most of the elder Gryffindor students were in costumes in honour of Halloween celebrations.

"REMUS! PETER! We NEED to dress up!" James yelled.

"We need a theme! We need a theme!" Sirius chanted excitedly. "REMUS! Think for me; my mind is muddled!"

"Theme us, oh Remmy dearest!" James begged.

A very disgruntled Remus poked his head out of the bathroom. "We don't have time to make costumes."

"Magic!" Sirius shouted.

The Third Years above them banged on their floor, making the ceiling shake.

"SORRY!" James bellowed.

"Shut UP!" came the slightly muffled reply, but the request was clear.

"Remus, theme us! Remus, theme us! Remus, them us!" Sirius chanted, jumping on James's bed.

Remus rolled his eyes, and went to the sink to spit out his toothpaste.

"Sirius, your breath stinks," noted James.

"Excuse me?"

"Garlic from last night," said Peter.

"Garlic?" Sirius's face lit up at the word. "REMUS! GARLIC!"

"FUCK YOUR FUCKING GARLIC! WE DON'T START OUR LESSONS UNTIL FUCKING NOON, YOU BERKS!" came a different voice from above them.

"How fucking rude," muttered Sirius. "Remus!"

Remus reappeared in the dorm, fixing his tie. "Hmm?"

"Garlic. French. Make me French!" Sirius spread his arms wide, his eyes closed, as though expecting Remus to 'make him French' with a simple charm.

"Do you have a striped shirt?" Remus inquired.

"No. Colour me!"

Remus reluctantly obeyed, and James transfigured a beret from a sock. Peter offered up his 'vampire protection': a string of onions and garlic, which Remus tied into a necklace for Sirius.

"Say something French!" James demanded.

"Er... _bonjour_!"

"Authentic," Remus muttered.

"James, you shall be... Hawaiian!" Sirius declared, "Peter shall be German, and Remus shall be... a leprechaun!"

"What? No! I'm a werewolf, not an elf!"

"Surf's up, dudes!" James jumped up onto his bed, and began to 'surf', while Sirius hummed the Hawaii-5.0 theme.

"How am I meant to be German?" Peter asked.

"Remus, dear, fashion our fellow some lederhosen , please," said Sirius, perching his beret jauntily upon his head. "I have some braces that he can borrow."

Remus tapped Peter's pyjama-clad leg with his wand, and Peter squealed as his trousers shrunk and shortened, changing to leather. Oddly, his socks were appropriate for the occasion without change.

James, meanwhile, was trying to colour-change his school shirt into a flower-print monstrosity, to little success. It was currently an odd, sickly green colour, and had the texture of canvas. Remus tapped it to get the desired effect, and James happily pulled on his swimming shorts and a pair of neon green flip-flops. Sirius tapped his glasses, and the frames grew thick and star-shaped, while the lenses grew darker.

The German, Hawaiian, and Frenchman stared at Remus the school boy, before descending upon him.

When Remus was sent down as a scout to the common room, entirely green, no one even glanced twice.

But Madam Pomfrey was not impressed with James's skin-dying charm, which left Remus looking comically sickly for the next two weeks.

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

The Strokes: You Only Live Once

(-)

**Any thoughts my lovelies? And for you WolfStar shippers, check out my new story: Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. It's set in a restaurant and Remus is a chef and wears checkered trousers SWOON.  
><strong>

xxxx


	13. Up and coming

**The Mormfongs**

**You guys are amazing. LoveLiterature, serinal, brilliant incandescence, Raven-of-the-forests, WizardWay, Kimmimaru, and livi harkness... I adore you all. **

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER.**

_They say I'm up and coming like I'm fucking in an elevator _

(-)

"Quidditch today! Trials! I shall be henceforth known as: _'James Potter, the Chaser all other Chasers fear'_. What do you think of that, Rem?"

Remus -lounging on the window ledge in his tea-cup pyjamas- glanced up from his book. "Snappy. Care for a spot of tea?"

"Tea? No, no, my dear Remus, professional Quidditch players such as myself need pumpkin juice, which is far more healthy and beneficial." James struck a 'strong-man' pose.

"Are you sure? We still have Ginger Newts left over..."

"Ginger Newts, you say...?"

(-)

"Sirius..." James's tongue seemed entirely too large and dry for his mouth. His arm muscles felt like jelly and his knees weren't obeying his wishes. His knuckles were white upon the handle of his broom. "Sirius, I'm scared. That's normal, right? I mean, there are a lot of people out there, and most of them are older and bigger than me. I'll be OK, won't I?"

Sirius stared at his friend's pale, thin, nervous little face, and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Man up and grow a pair, you ponce."

"Much obliged for your tender support," muttered James, skulking off, broom in hand.

"Must you do that? He just needed some friendly encouragement," said Remus, sounding faintly disapproving.

"Eh..." Sirius looked for James, who was up in the air, looking green and incredibly nauseous. "JAMES! REMUS SAYS YOU'LL DO FINE! HE'LL CATCH YOU IF YOU FALL! REPEAT: HE'LL CATCH YOU IF YOU FALL!"

In a fit of un-Remus-like boyishness, Remus tackled Sirius to the ground.

(-)

"Oi, Potter!" The Gryffindor Quidditch Captain approached the breakfast table, grinning. "You made the team. Mess it up, and I'll give you some terribly unpleasant splinters." He walked away, whistling.

James turned even greener than he had been three days ago.

"Well done, mate!" said Peter, clapping the new Chaser on the back.

"A tea party is most certainly in order!" Remus announced.

"Splinters?" Sirius muttered. "They sound fun. When's first match?"

"21st November," Peter supplied.

"Splinters..."

James cleared his throat, and turned to Remus. "Rem, have people died from splinters in the past?"

(-)

In the following weeks, James spent so much time at Quidditch practice, that getting detention was simply not an option. Therefore, he was on his best behaviour, and not even Sirius could persuade him to engage in the tiniest prank.

In response, Sirius often 'accidentally singed' James's homework, just for banter, much like he had done after discovering that James had uncovered Remus's secret before himself.

James put up with it for a while, understanding that Sirius was bored, but when Professor Slughorn issued him with detention because Sirius's flame had got out of hand and burnt half of the parchment away, James had had enough.

"YOU HAVE BURNT MY HOMEWORK FOR ONE TOO MANY TIMES, BLACK!"

Sirius glanced at the portrait hole, through which James was climbing. He returned to his motorcycle magazine.

There was a thud, which made Sirius look up again, and mildly register that James was charging towards him, carrying a chair above his head in a raised, threatening manner.

Sirius jumped up onto his squashy armchair, and took the blow from the chair with his potions textbook. "Oi!"

The Prefects began to gather, shouting and threatening. The First Years all fled. Peter helpfully dived under a table in the corner.

Remus calmly marked the page of his book, and drew his wand. Two cushions rose from the sofa, and levitated to head-height. They began bashing James and Sirius with gusto, who paused in their 'fight' to ward off the pillows, before searching for the culprit. Remus waggled his fingers at them.

Sirius laughed.

James dropped the chair... on Sirius's foot. "Pyromaniac ponce." He sauntered off, looking content.

Sirius hopped around the room, clutching his foot and cursing James colourfully.

Remus coaxed Peter out from under the table, and brought out his book again.

(-)

"Good luck, James! You'll be brilliant!" said Peter, enthusiastically.

James poked his spoon into the sludge which had once been muesli. "Cheers, Pete."

"James, everything will be alright! Have some belief in yourself!" Remus urged, lowly. It had been the full moon the night before, but he had made it down to breakfast to be moral support for James.

James nodded.

Remus dug his elbow into Sirius's ribs.

"Wha-? Oh. Yeah. Rem's right. Rem's always right. Listen to Rem."

Remus glared at Sirius.

"What?" Sirius demanded.

Remus simply rolled his eyes.

"You'll be fine, Potter," said the voice of Lily Evans, from across the table.

James turned his hazel eyes to her, and nodded his thanks. He turned to Remus. "Rem, I'm going to be sick."

"You'll have to tell Sirius or Peter, James; I can't actually walk yet," said Remus, sadly.

James grabbed Peter's collar and dragged him along behind him as he quick-walked to the nearest bathroom.

"He's going to spray the crowd with vomit," mused Sirius. "The green will clash horribly with the Gryffindor colours."

"Eew!" some of the nearby girls squealed.

"We're trying to have breakfast!" one said, indignantly.

"I'm not stopping you, jeez..."

"Come on, help the cripple down to the stands before we get stampeded," Remus requested of Sirius, who pocketed an apple and some toast for later.

"You can't just pocket toast!"

"Oh, give it a rest, you screechy little harpies."

(-)

_Final result:_

_Gryffindor: 290_

_Hufflepuff: 60_

Though Hufflepuff House was not renowned for having the best Quidditch team, the game was excellent to watch.

The Hufflepuff Beaters weren't the best, but their Seeker and Keeper were of a very high standard. The Keeper, Denison Frisby, in particular, was probably the best that Hogwarts had to offer.

Gryffindor played admirably, much to the delight of the crowd, with James scoring five fairly spectacular goals.

However, even when they returned to the common room, jubilant and triumphant, James still looked a touch green.

In honour of the occasion, Remus dedicated a rock to James:

_Drug of choice: adrenaline._

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Ed Sheeran; You Need Me, I Don't Need You

(-)

**NB: Denison Frisby, Hufflepuff Keeper, later went to play for the English National Quidditch team during the 422nd Quidditch World Cup.**

**Reviews hugely appreciated; I love to hear what you've got to say, or any scenes that you want to see!  
><strong>

xxxx


	14. Penguin costumes

**The Mormfongs**

**Hi! We're almost at 100 reviews! You peoples are truly wonderful and I love you all exceptionally much and ooooooodles of thanks and virtual chocolate and muffins and cookies and all other lovely things to you!**

**Back to you amazing people, because (as formally established) you guys are amazing. Sparkling Soul, WhisperDisorder, Pwwb, LoveLiterature, Linn, Rogue200315, RuterDam, Sapphire Leo, brilliant incandescence, WizardWay, livi harkness, Chance13, Raven-of-the-forests, and Kimmimaru. This chapter is for you beautiful people.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER.**

_We use our penguin costumes more than our evening dress_

(-)

"Shush, Sirius! Moon was only four days ago, he's knackered!"

"He'll want to be up!"

"Let the poor fellow sleep!"

"But Jaaaaaames!"

"Quit whining at me, Sirius! You'll wake Moony up at this rate!"

"You have," Remus interjected, poking his head out of his tent. He was bundled up warmly in his blankets, so managed to bum-shuffle out into the dorm, where James, Sirius and Peter were seated on the floor, around a large pile of presents.

Sirius winked at him, and poured out a cup of tea for him.

Remus took it gratefully.

Sirius plucked a present from the top of the pile. "And the winner is... Peter!"

Peter took the large, squashy present, and tore open the dark wrapping paper, revealing a...

"A onesie!" James gasped, awed.

It was huge and fluffy and fleecy and had cupcakes printed all over it.

The tag read:

_For Petey_

_From Sirius_

"Very heartfelt," Remus remarked.

Sirius laughed.

"Thanks, Sirius," said Peter, earnestly.

"You'd better have got one of those for me, too," James warned his best friend.

Sirius simply tapped his nose mysteriously.

James picked up a present. "For... Moony!"

Remus took the present, noting the rich, crimson paper, and carefully unwrapped it to reveal a t-shirt, with the words: _'Official Marauder'_ written on it. "But, James, I'm not a bandit, an outlaw, a raider or such like! I don't move about in a roving fashion looking for plunder!"

"Does he eat dictionaries for breakfast?" James asked Sirius.

"Oh, I'm a regular alphabet spaghetti consumer," said Remus.

"You wrote it in my book, Rem," said Sirius. "_Marauder_. We're the Marauders!"

"Just so long as you're not actually accusing me of such crimes," said Remus, with a smile. "Thank you, James. I shall wear it with pride."

"Marvellous! Sirius, one for you!" James said, passing him a present.

Sirius ripped open the paper. "OW! Fuck-shit, who the hell... OW! I bet this was Snivellous! The little shit! Who the hell sends people fucking cactuses for Christmas?"

"It's cacti," Remus informed him, mildly.

"Whatever it is, it hurts!"

"It was me," said Peter, miserably.

"Y-What?"

"I gave you a cactus. I gave you all a cactus. I like them. I think they're cool."

Sirius Black was stuck for words. To compensate, he opened and closed his mouth several times... like a fish.

"Well," said James, breaking the awkward silence, "shall we all get out cacti now, to save on injuries?"

Peter nodded enthusiastically, and passed a prickly present each to James and Remus, who opened with caution, and made the appropriate:_ 'oh, how lovely' _noises.

Remus passed a present to Peter, who was looking glum and withdrawn until he opened it: a big bar of chocolate, a rock and three pretty quills.

"Rather boring, I'm afraid, but money's a little tight at the moment," Remus admitted.

"What does your rock say?" James inquired, peering over Peter's shoulder at the smooth stone.

_A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself._

James threw Sirius's present at him. "There you go, you ungrateful git."

Sirius grinned, opened the _'Official Marauder'_ t-shirt, and pulled it on. He passed James a present: a onesie printed with Snitches.

"Oh, Sirius, you legend..." James promptly stripped down to his boxers, and pulled it on proudly. "You've got one too, right?"

"Paw-printed."

"Obviously." James handed Peter his _'Official Marauder'_ t-shirt.

"Remus, may I have my rock?" Sirius begged.

Remus laughed, but passed Sirius his parcel of quills, chocolate and a rock bearing the words: _Being perfect isn't as easy as I make it look._

Sirius gave Remus his present: a fluffy brown onesie, complete with a hood with tufty wolf ears.

"Oh, Rem, you'll look so adorable," James gushed.

"Couldn't I have had a manly one?" Remus inquired of Sirius.

"Yours is probably the manliest," Sirius reminded him.

"Point." Remus touched his little finger to the pointy ear. "I suppose the hood could be rather cosy..."

"Quite indeed!" Sirius declared. "Last one is for... Jamie!"

James unwrapped Remus's present eagerly, noting that one of the quills was precisely the colour of Lily Evans's eyes, and read his rock slogan of: If there is anything more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot, now. "Charming, Rem. Are you trying to tell me something about my self-importance?"

"Not at all, James. I was simply stating a fact." Remus's eyes were twinkling.

"I'm sure. Thank you, anyway. It shall be added to the collection."

"So, what's the plan for the rest of the day?" Sirius asked. "After I've removed the cactus spines from my palms, of course."

Peter cringed.

"We've got a decent amount of snow, so I thought we might make snowmen," suggested James.

"A fine plan, but won't that mean getting dressed?"

"We could brave it in our onesies," said James; eyes glinting in anticipation.

"Dare you."

"Dare you!"

"Rem, go and put your wolfy onesie on! We have snow-people to create!"

(-)

Two days later, and the snow still lingered at Hogwarts, bathing the grounds in a thick blanket of frozen entertainment.

Remus had returned to doing his homework, but was still being dragged into mischief by his fellow Marauders.

"Eurgh..." Sirius rolled out of bed, rubbing his eyes to no improvement. "Remus? Is the teapot hot?"

There was no response, so he blinked a few times, and chanced a look around the dorm. It was light, but only just, so he checked the clock. 8.15am.

Sirius peeped into Remus's tent, but was only rewarded by the sight of crumpled but neat blankets. His shoes were gone, as was his ear-flap hat.

"Oi. Potter."

James made a long grumbling sound, before his head pushed through the curtains. "It's the holidays. Why are we up?"

"Rem's gone walk-about already, you lazy toad."

"You should put him on a leash if he keeps buggering off," James suggested, mock-seriously.

"Haha. Jerk. Come find him with me."

"No, thank you; my pillows are far too cosy and inviting."

"Ponce."

"Piss off, Black."

"Said like a true Potter."

James made no response.

Sirius -bored from the lack of retaliation- huffed, shoved his feet into his own black biker boots, and pulled on Remus's 'bookworm' t-shirt and two red jumpers. He pulled on a pair of black earmuffs that he had pilfered from Herbology, stuffed his wand into his paw-printed pyjama bottoms, and left the dorm.

The castle was empty of milling students and staff; Sirius only encountered Nearly Headless Nick on his travels. He wandered out of the front door and into the grounds.

He soon found his elusive friend in the grounds, by the lake. Remus was delivering a lecture on goblin history to an audience of snowmen which they had built the previous day.

"Alright, Rem?"

Remus looked surprised. "It's not even nine o'clock, Sirius! Have you even seen such a thing during the holidays before?"

"Rarely," admitted Sirius, coming to stand amongst the six-feet tall snow-people. "Do carry on, Professor Lupin."

"Late again, Mr Black? Oh, that'll be detention for the next week. And you may tell your friend Mr Potter that he can join you, since he has neglected to turn up entirely."

"What about Peter and Remus?"

"Oh, I'm sure Mr Pettigrew has a valid reason. And Mr Lupin is simply such a wonderful student that I have every faith in him to know all of this already."

"I call that favouritism, Sir!" Sirius declared.

"Such an opinion is not welcome in my class room, Mr Black! You are disrupting the learning of your fellow students!" Remus waved his arms around, indicating the host of two dozen snow-people in front of him.

"But, Sir, they seem to have frozen with boredom!"

"They'll recover eventually, or melt," said Remus. "Hopefully the former, else I'll have to explain the puddles to their snow-parents..."

Sirius quirked his head to one side. "Er... Rem, you're taking this too seriously."

"What? We're discussing snow-people."

"Well, you're over-thinking it, at least. Now, come and have some hot chocolate in the dorm with me before my gibblets fall off. They're feeling blue."

"Quite the visual. Why didn't you just wear proper trousers?" Remus inquired, as they began to walk back up to the school.

"Too much effort. And these were just too cosy to change out of."

"A fair decision, I feel. I wonder if we'll get toasted tea cakes for breakfast..."

"You have an unshakably sweet tooth, Mr Moony."

"That's _Professor _Moony to you, young 'un."

"Sir, yes, Sir!"

"Sirius, don't salute. The ghosts are looking confused."

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

The Wombats; Techno Fan

(-)

**Can anyone spot the Jackass reference?**

xxxx


	15. I run free

**The Mormfongs**

**We broke 100 reviews! Many thanks to everyone who's taken the time to leave me a note or two.**

**Chapter 14's reviewers: Rogue200315, owl-eats-waffles, Raven-of-the-forests, brilliant incandescence, WizardWay, RuterDam, livi harkness, LoveLiturature, and serinal... oh you're all so lovely!**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER.**

_Wild horses, I want to be like you; throwing caution to the wind, I run free too._

(-)

"Of all the bad ideas you lot have ever had, this is the worst."

"Moony, quit grumbling."

"There's a reason why this place is forbidden!"

"Moony, you really are dampening the mood somewhat."

"What mood? The mood of forthcoming violent death?"

"Don't be dramatic, Moony," sighed James.

"Dramatic? _Dramatic?_ I'm not-"

"You are a touch, Rem," murmured Sirius, apologetically.

"Well, you lot are an awful pack," said Remus, slightly snootily.

"We're your pack?" James demanded, excitedly.

"Yes," said Remus, primly, "and as Alfa of the pack, I demand that we return to the castle quick-sharp!"

"Your leadership skills need a little _oomph_, Remmy," said James, leading the way down the really-not-a-path that led deeper into the Forbidden Forest.

"Oi. Potter. Hang up," said Sirius, quietly.

The four boys stopped walking. The night air around them was still and cool, and... forbidding. There was a rustle of leaves nearby.

Peter made a whimpering sound.

"Oh, Sirius, stop it," muttered Remus. "You're scaring Peter."

Sirius grinned; his teeth flashing white in the darkness. "Couldn't resist, mate."

There was a louder disturbance.

"James?" Sirius speculated.

"Not guilty."

Rustle.

"Castle, you say, Rem?" inquired Sirius.

"H-Hang on..." Remus said, edging towards the source of the noise.

"Rem. Bad idea. Worse than ours," hissed James, looking ready to bolt.

"How dangerous can a herbivore be?" Remus mused aloud, edging into the clearing with his wand held aloft.

"A herbivore? Were we just scared shitless by a goat? A _hedgehog_?"

"They're practically omnivorous," Remus corrected him, vaguely.

Sirius stepped out into the middle of the clearing, and finally saw what was making the noises. "It's a unicorn! Fucking brilliant!"

The unicorn -which had been lying peacefully on the forest floor- rose gracefully to full height, eyeing the intruders with narrowed eyes.

"You have angered the unicorn," said Remus, rather unnecessarily. He stepped forwards gingerly, grabbed Sirius's hand, and pulled him slowly away from the magical creature. "I don't know what you did, but Christfuck it's pissed. We should run before skewering occurs."

"That's a plan," agreed Sirius.

Still hand-in-hand, they ran off, trailing after James and Peter, who had unmanneredly grabbed a head-start.

-x~*~x-

Later, in the safety of the dorm, they were laughing over their encounter.

"... a herbivore! It's just a pointy horse, isn't it?" Sirius exclaimed.

Remus bit his tongue and poured out another cup of tea.

"They can be awfully dangerous, though," said Peter, earnestly. "Despite _My Little Pony_."

"You have a pony?" James demanded.

"No, it's a Muggle thing."

"We have ponies, too!"

"Muggle figurines. They're new. My cousin has some."

"Sure. Cousin," muttered Sirius.

Remus tried very hard not to choke on his tea.

"Well, this is a fine way to spend New Year!" said James, after his fifth biscuit dropped into his tea.

"Just wait until our later years, Jamie!" said Sirius, brightly. "Then we can fuck the New Year in with some pretty bird, and drink firewhiskey and have general merriment!"

Peter blushed Gryffindor colours when Sirius swore.

Sirius laughed. "What says you, Remus?"

Remus made no comment; merely meeting Sirius's gaze, and pointedly eyeing the paw-printed

onesie that the young Black was wearing.

"Are you eyeing up my package, Moony?" Sirius demanded, punctuating his words with a hearty wink.

"Certainly, but it's not _that_ impressive, Siri," teased Remus, turning a little pink at his own words.

"You kinky little werewolf," said James, ruffling said Marauder's hair.

"I resent that comment," announced Sirius, his nose in the air.

"And I resent your bravado," retorted Remus.

"I'm beginning to resent yours, too!" Sirius said. "And you certainly don't mean that."

"Yeah," said James, "Sirius Black without his accompanying ego would just be... a Black. A creepy, sinister Slytherin."

"Valid point, Mr Potter," said Remus. "You may remain as usual, Sirius."

"Very fucking generous, Mr Moony," replied Sirius, playfully. He held out his empty tea-cup. "Re-fill, please?"

-x~*~x-

The next morning, the Marauders rose at perhaps nine-thirty, dressed in their_ 'Official Marauder'_ t-shirts, and went down to breakfast with the other students who had neglected to return home during the holidays.

The older students were suspiciously dehydrated, including some of the braver fourth years. Sirius eyed them enviously as they piled bacon rasher upon bacon rasher on their plates, and drank a gallon of coffee each.

"Soon, Sirius, soon," James assured him, quietly.

"I can't wait," Sirius mused, gazing longingly at a clearly hungover sixth year student, who didn't seem to notice.

"Patience, grasshopper," said Remus, with a grin.

"I'm not a grasshopper," Sirius reminded him. "I'm a wizard. No insects here, thank you."

"Muggle television show," Peter piped up, smiling at Remus through a large bit of bacon sandwich.

Remus toasted Peter with his pumpkin juice.

Peter positively beamed.

"You and your Muggle in-jokes..." James muttered, spearing a grilled tomato on his fork.

"Are you taking Muggle Studies next year?" Remus inquired.

"No," said James.

"Maybe," said Sirius, suddenly thoughtful. "How much would mother-dearest hate that?"

"I probably will," said Peter. "If my Dad's a Muggle, surely it will be easy for me?"

"Eurgh. Slacker," said James. "That's practically cheating."

"What are you going to do, James?" Remus asked.

"Care of Magical Creatures and Divination," said James.

"Why Divination?"

"Because it's a piss-take."

"So, when Peter does an easy subject, it's cheating, but when you do one, it's fine?"

"Precisely. Glad you understand, Rem," grinned James. "Sirius?"

"Muggle Studies and Magical Creatures, I guess."

"Why not Divination?" James demanded.

"Because it's stuffy and boring and a complete and utter waste of time. I want to learn about motorbikes," said Sirius, his eyes lighting up.

"He's right about it being stuffy," said James. "Rem, any thoughts? Arithmancy?"

"Undecided," Remus admitted. "I'd like to do Care of Magical Creatures, but Arithmancy, Ancient Runes and Divination all look quite interesting."

"You can do three," suggested James. "Arithmancy, Creatures and Divination could be good."

"Don't encourage him to over-work himself, Potter!" Sirius reprimanded his best friend.

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Well!" Sirius exclaimed. "He should know better by now! You're always tired from your... ah..."

"Furry little problem," supplied James, stabbing another tomato, which sprayed juice everywhere.

"My _what_?"

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Natasha Bedingfield; Wild Horses

xxxx


	16. Cost of misery

**The Mormfongs**

**Hi! (waves) This chapter was written whilst listening to Linkin Park and Elbow, particularly 'Waiting For The End' and 'One Day Like This'. Therefore, it took a long time to write, as I kept lip-synching along pretty epically to an invisible audience / my shoes and motorbike helmet. **

**Chapter 15's reviewers: WhisperDisorder, Raven-of-the-forests, Awsomazing11, owl-eats-waffles, serinal, Sapphire Leo, Kimmimaru, LoveLiturature, brilliant incandescence, Sparkling Soul, and livi harkness. You're all gorgeous and amazing and I really, really wish that I could bake you all batches of the bourbon buttons that I made today :3**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER.**

_I don't know why the cost of misery is at an all time high _

(-)

"Psst! Rem!"

Nothing.

"Reee-mus!"

"G'way, Siri."

Sirius huffed, and his head appeared in in Remus's tent. "I've had an idea."

"So have I; sleep," said Remus, rolling over pointedly.

"But... Rem, it involves research and writing and charms and the like, and it's not a prank!" Sirius whined, edging into the tent. He sprawled out next to Remus on the mattress, with his head cushioned on one of Remus's wonderfully soft pillows. "Oi." He prodded the werewolf with his toe.

"In the morning," was Remus's muffled reply.

"It is morning," said Sirius, cheerfully. "'Tis 2.20am on Wednesday 14th February, 1973! And that also means that it's Valentines Day, so I've bought you chocolate in a very manly rectangular box, and since I haven't found any wrapped presents in your trunk, you must share the chocolates with me as compensation. Shall I put the kettle on?"

"No. And bugger off."

(-)

Remus awoke to the sound of his kettle whistling, and the dim light of morning illuminating his suddenly very cosy surroundings.

"Rem, I love you, but not so early in the morning," said James, from across the room, clearly having been rudely awoken by the kettle as well.

"It's Black," Remus retorted, grumpily.

"Why are you surnaming me, Moony?" Sirius demanded, in a tone that was far too cheerful for a Wednesday morning.

Remus struggled out of his blankets, and emerged from his tent, glaring at Sirius, who was pouring out tea with much flourishing and spillage. "Eurgh, I'm awake, what were you rambling about last night?"

"Moonykins, I have been putting my noggin to use," began Sirius, immediately pushing a teacup into Remus's hands, "and I have deduced that we, as marauders, need to leave a legacy behind for future trouble-makers. Any ideas for such?"

"We could leave the dorm in the state that it is now," remarked Remus.

"I was thinking of an object, perhaps, that could aid someone with mischief."

"A reusable dungbomb?"

"Moony, how vulgar!"

"What?"

"A map, Rem! The Marauder's Map! How bloody brilliant would that be?" Sirius was almost squealing with excitement.

"A map?" said James, emerging from his bed. "A map of what?"

"Hogwarts!" declared Sirius.

"Impossible," said James, primly. "The staircases _move_, and it's illegal, anyway."

"Since when is legality such an issue?" Sirius demanded.

"I'm not getting chucked into Azkaban for a _drawing_!"

"Well, we're not going to parade it, are we?" Sirius said, though his enthusiasm had faded considerably. He turned to Remus. "Moony, think about it: the research, the accuracy, the charms to follow the staircases, maybe even the... people! Imagine! We'd be able to avoid Filch so easily! And we could mark all of the secret rooms and passageways, and-"

"I could stalk Lily Evans!" shouted James, earning a thump on their ceiling from the Third Years upstairs.

"Oh, you and that red-head..." muttered Sirius, waving his hand impatiently. "Remus?"

Remus sighed resignedly. "Sure. If it keeps you entertained."

Sirius positively beamed.

"Now, I distinctly remember you saying something about chocolate last night...?"

(-)

"Right, Moony, you chocolate fiend, Jamie and I have measured up the Astronomy tower, and did you finish the Owlry?"

"Certainly have," said Remus, waving his neat notes as he sat down in the armchair opposite Sirius's in the Common Room that evening.

"Marvellous!" Sirius actually clapped his hands together. "Right. I'll draw them up, and we can collect diagrams for every room, then every corridor, and then magic it all together, yes?"

"Theoretically," said Remus. "By the time we've got all of the information, I'm sure that we'll be able to manage the charms to make it into a proper Marauder's Map."

"Bravo, Moony, bravo!" said Sirius, locating a clean, unrumpled piece of parchment from his bag. He set to work, drawing the rooms to a careful scale, with all possible detail engrained on it.

Remus snuggled deeper into his armchair, and perched his book upon his knees.

Not a bad way to spend Valentines Day, after all.

James disagreed. But then, he was covered in blue goo, courtesy of one enraged Lily Evans, who James had insisted on composing and singing a song to during Charms.

Remus sighed deeply, and muttered a quick cleaning spell on the grumpy Chaser, who was currently being ridiculed by his supposed best friend Sirius, who was telling James off for '_sporting Ravenclaw colours'_.

(-)

The blue goo incident had left James fuming, and Slytherins everywhere laughing at the Chaser whenever they spotted him.

During Defence Against The Dark Arts, when James saw Snape sniggered at him from behind his books, James lost his temper, and threw the cactus that Peter had given him for Christmas at the slimy Slytherin, and earned himself detention from Professor Tutton, and a hurt look from Peter.

Of course, Sirius was unsympathetic, calling James 'blue-goo-boy' in an affectionate tone of voice, and telling him to take advantage of his detention, and measure up the defence room to put on the map.

James responded with a rather rude hand gesture, and banged the door to the dorm on his way out of Gryffindor Tower, nearly taking off the hinges.

"This room has taken quite a battering already," Remus mused, from his place on the window sill.

He raised a valid point: the door to their dorm, previously adorned only by the lettering 'Year 2 Boys', and the Gryffindor crest, now had 'ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK' scrawled above the original text, and a small chunk missing from the bottom of the door. On the dorm-side of the door, Sirius had engraved 'JP 4 LE' in a large heart, using a knife. Three calendars now peppered the wall between James and Peter's beds, along with Remus's hedgehog photographs.

Between James and Sirius were several posters, mostly Quidditch, and Remus's shelving would leave quite a blot on the walls. Clothing and scrunched up pieces of parchment littered the floor space, and the drapes of the four poster beds, and the three remaining cacti proved that life could in fact exist in the depths of the dorm, which was rapidly becoming infamous for the many bangs and shouts which it frequently emitted.

"Just wait til seventh year," Sirius replied, with a wink, tossing a gone-wrong drawing of one of the charms rooms on top of Peter's bed, knocking over his cactus in the process.

Peter squeaked and lunged for it, but merely received a handful of prickles, which made him howl and drop the plant anyway. Sirius snorted at the scene.

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Boys Like Girls; Learning To Fall

(-)

**Oh, and belated notes for Chapter 15: 1) My Little Pony started in the '80s, but bear with me, as it will be re-mentioned in later chapters. 2) The Kung Fu TV series from which the phrase 'Patience, grasshopper' stems back to 1972. Booya!**

**Oh, and on Sunday I will have a car on my drive-way which I have no idea how to drive. Marlin is my uncle's old run-around and I had to save him from being eBay-ed but now shit just got real and my motorbike is giving me reproachful looks so I really hope that I can afford to keep Joey running as well as Marlin. SO MANY VEHICLES but at least I can sleep in Marlin if worst comes to worst. You can't even lean against Joey without her toppling over. :3**

**Thoughts on this chapter?**

**xxxx**


	17. Your brother's eyes

**The Mormfongs**

**Hello lovely readers! 54 people have this on alert! Cor, blimey!**

**I now have a Honda Civic named Marlin parked on my drive, and I might be buying a house! I'm going to see it tomorrow, and it has a shop front, so I may be finally starting up my cake business! Watch this space! :D**

**Chapter 16's reviewers: serinal, LoveLiturature, owl-eats-waffles, Chance13, RuterDam, Awsomazing11, brilliant incandescence, IloveReading96, KatiekkxD, WizardWay, Sparkling Soul and livi harkness. I love you all :3**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER.**

_I've seen the love in your brother's eyes_

(-)

The next few months passed with little studying, many pranks, and a huge stack of room plans.

Remus's birthday was widely celebrated, with chocolate for every meal of the day, and then some. Shortly after, James's was punctuated with a Quidditch match, which Gryffindor won with ease and brilliance. Peter's was marked with a late night trip to the kitchens, which resulted in a tea party in the dorms and James vomiting from the sheer volume of cake.

And so the Summer holidays occurred, over the course of which many letters were sent and exchanged.

_Rem -_

_Hi! Hope hols are OK. Grim Old Place is shite. SAVE ME. Bored enough to actually do that bloody homework. EURGH. Send me a quote or something ANYTHING to entertain me. I miss your Moony-ish ways. Scold me if you have to. Just SOMETHING. Diagon Alley soon? I'll get James to organise it m'kay? _

_-Sirius_

(-)_  
><em>

_To Sirius,_

_Congratulations on completing your homework. Have a quote as a reward: _

"_**In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi-human; the point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog."**_

_Also note, that in my day, we didn't have dogs or cats: all I had was Silver Beauty, my beloved paper clip. I'm sorry that I can't be your knight in shining armour and whisk you away, but I'm sure we could persuade that unicorn to be your noble steed, provided that you never play leapfrog with him. Diagon Alley sounds great, just send me details once you've spoken to James._

_Manly hugs and all that jazz,_

_Remus_

(-)_  
><em>

_JAMIE-_

_DIAGON ALLEY. SORT IT OUT WENCH. Also we need some of that potion that makes you shit loads for a prank that I've been planning all summer. Don't disappoint me._

_-Sirius_

(-)_  
><em>

_Ponce-_

_They wouldn't sell it to me. The lady asked what it was for and I couldn't keep a straight face. Then she refused sale. I then said that I have a serious bowel disorder but still no. I'm trying to persuade Mum to get it for me. She says DA on 29th Aug at 11am. OK? That's not too close to Rem's thingy is it?_

_-James_

(-)_  
><em>

_Rem-_

_29/08 11am by the Leaky. BE THERE._

_PS. Thanks for the quote._

_-Siri_

(-)_  
><em>

_James-_

_You fail miserably. Yeah that's fine I'll let Remus know. Maybe we can get some at DA? Or some Ageing potion? Either or. See you at the Leaky._

_-Sirius_

(-)_  
><em>

_To Sirius,_

_That sounds awfully sinister but I'm sure that will be fine. See you there!_

_From Remus_

(-)_  
><em>

_Hi guys!_

_How have your holidays been? Are we meeting up? _

_Peter_

(-)_  
><em>

_Pete-_

_No._

_-Sirius_

(-)_  
><em>

_Peter-_

_Not bad, yeah we're meeting at the Leaky on the 28th Aug. See you there?_

_-James_

(-)_  
><em>

_Hello, Peter!_

_It's good to hear from you! How are you? Yes, Siri and James have arranged for us to meet at the Leaky Cauldron at 11am, on the 29th August. Will you be joining us?_

_From Remus_

(-)_  
><em>

_Sirius_

_Remus gave me the details – aren't you coming any more or something? Hope you're OK!_

_Peter_

(-)_  
><em>

_James_

_Remus gave me the correct details. I'll see you on the 29th!_

_Peter_

(-)_  
><em>

_Remus_

_Cheers, I'll see you then!_

_Peter_

(-)_  
><em>

_**MOONY YOU PONCE WHYYYY? **Pete's the runt of the pack. If he were an animal, he'd be something insignificant like a woodlouse. Louses are annoying!_

_Siri. And don't think that you can quote your way out of my bad books._

(-)_  
><em>

_Sirius,_

_It's **lice. **If you're going to be mean about Peter, at least do it in a grammatically correct manner! And I can quote myself out of any situation. _

_Remus_

(-)_  
><em>

_Remmy-_

_I'm now sulking, and you are wholly to blame. _

_-Sirius_

-x~*~x-

Sirius stepped into the train compartment, dragging along a smaller version of himself.

James gaped at the scene for a moment, before understanding. "Look, Moony, it's a mini-Siri!"

Remus peered at Sirius's brother, who was certainly very close in resemblance to his sibling, but rather slighter and more timid looking. "Hello, Regulus."

Sirius deposited his brother into the compartment, and all but collapsed into a seat next to Remus. "Bloody hell, that woman... Sit DOWN, Reg." He yanked Regulus into the seat beside him.

"Your mother?" James inquired, sympathetically.

"Mad old bat... Reg, you'd better be in Gryffindor, else I have failed in my duties as older brother."

Regulus smiled a small smile, before staring into his lap.

Sirius looked at James, who shrugged sadly. He sighed, and put his arm around his brother's shoulders loosely.

"Will you hate me if I am in Slytherin?" Regulus asked, in a tiny voice.

"Er, yeah!"

Remus elbowed the elder Black.

"What?"

Remus glared pointedly.

"Oh, I mean, no, of course not. You're my baby brother. You'll get your fair share of pranks, but I could never hate you, Reggie," amended Sirius.

Remus nodded approvingly.

"But, of course, you're not going to be in Slytherin. Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. You're bright, you can go to the nerd House. Or failing that, you can become a nice little Hufflepuff. Then I can turn you into a bee and let you buzz around with me. I'll call you... Fuzzle-Sting. Cute, but dangerous."

Regulus gave a little laugh. "I could be a Hufflepuff, I guess."

-x~*~x-

"Slytherin!"

Regulus's eyes turned wide and sorrowful, desperately seeking out his brother amidst the other students.

Sirius winked at him, though his heart had turned suddenly to lead.

"He'll be fine," Remus murmured to him, lowly, as Regulus took his seat on the Slytherin table.

Sirius said nothing.

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Mumford and Sons; Sister

(-)

**Thoughts on this chapter?**

**xxxx**


	18. You're worth it

**The Mormfongs**

**Hello lovely readers! 62 people have this on alert! Cor, blimey!**

**Sorry this took a while, but I'm in the just-about-to-move-home process, which involves lots of phone calls to the bank, estate agent, blah blah blah, who simply don't answer their phones when called! **

**That, and I got into Pottermore. I'm in Slytherin, with the name of WolfLumos25745. Feel free to add me, as I'm lonely.**

**Chapter 17's reviewers: TheButterflyCurse996, Hana-Liatris, owl-eats-waffles, LoveLiterature, Raven-of-the-forests, popcorn1001, Sparkling Soul, Marionetka, serinal, Awsomazing11, brilliant incandescence, Sapphire Leo, and WizardWay. I loves you all immensely. **

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER.**

_I'll take a bruise; I know you're worth it. When you hit me, hit me hard._

(-)

The full moon came and went on the 12th September, leaving Remus tired and withdrawn from his friends. He quietly occupied himself with his books, and moved from Common Room to the Library, and finally to the dormitory, searching for a peaceful atmosphere.

Unfortunately, when you live with James Potter and Sirius Black, 'peace' was never an option.

"REMUS! How did you escape so well after Charms?" James inquired, joyfully illuminating all of the lamps in the dorm with a swish of his wand. "Have you handed in your Hogsmeade form to McGoogles yet?"

"Actually, I was going to miss this first one, just to... catch up on Potions, you know?"

"Miss the first trip to Hogsmeade? Nonsense, Moony! In fact, we need to plan the route, and look for any other passages, just in case. Sirius, you can take notes, and Peter can time it. Moony, you can keep an eye out for any older students looking suspicious, see if they know any secret-"

"I'm going to the library!" Sirius announced, very suddenly, standing up. His grey eyes were wide, and fixed on Remus.

"We've just come from the library!" James reminded him, grumpy at being interrupted.

But Sirius was gone, running from the dorm, his bag banging against the walls as he descended the spiralling staircases into the Common Room. An unfortunate pair of first years were casually tossed aside as he rammed his way through the crowd, and out into the corridor. He found the library within moments, and instantly received death glares from a group of studious Ravenclaws sitting near the door.

Sirius made his way over to the Advanced Transfiguration section, where he quickly found a large, old book, entitled 'Human Transfiguration'.

-x~*~x-

"James!" Sirius hissed, much later that night. "James!"

James rolled over and emitted a large snore, his mouth dangerously wide open.

"OI! Potter!"

James eventually woke, after much poking and jabbing, and made a long grumbling noise which Sirius translated to the word, "What'reyoudoing?"

"Ponce. I've worked it out!" Even in the almost darkness, Sirius's eyes were eager.

"The Charms questions? So did I. Well... copied off Rem, but..."

"Potter. Think bigger than Charms."

"Transfiguration? Thank God, coz even I'm struggling with those."

"Transfiguration of a sort, yes, but big. BIG."

James groaned. "So big that it can't wait until morning?"

"Naturally. James... Remus. I've worked out how we can help him."

-x~*~x-

Remus grew suspicious about his two best friends as soon as they left the dorm at 7am the next morning. He had just showered, and was returning to the dorm and his awaiting cooling cup of tea, when he caught the hem of James's robe hurrying off out.

James was never dressed by 7am.

They were most certainly up to something.

Most likely, a prank that they knew he wouldn't approve of.

-x~*~x-

"He gave us the answer, James," said Sirius, earnestly, once they were seated at the quietest part of the Gryffindor breakfast table. He took a piece of carefully folded parchment out of his pocket, and showed it to James.

_To Sirius,_

_Congratulations on completing your homework. Have a quote as a reward: _

"_**In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi-human; the point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog."**_

_Also note, that in my day, we didn't have dogs or cats: all I had was Silver Beauty, my beloved paper clip. I'm sorry that I can't be your knight in shining armour and whisk you away, but I'm sure we could persuade that unicorn to be your noble steed, provided that you never play leapfrog with him. Diagon Alley sounds great, just send me details once you've spoken to James._

_Manly hugs and all that jazz,_

_Remus_

"The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog."

"Blimey," said James, "of course! An Animagus. But we'd never..." He waved his wand in a display of hopelessness, and a flower grow out from the end of it, and drooped sadly to land in Sirius's porridge.

"We could do it. I bet you we could. We just need a very good Transfiguration student, a handsome chap with a Dark, influential family to acquire books on how to perform the magic, a werewolf chum, and... someone stupid enough to be experimented on."

James's eyes narrowed. "I hope I'm the Transfiguration student."

"Sure, sure, Potter."

-x~*~x-

Lessons were soon seen as a formality, an intrusion upon their research time. Dinner was to be gobbled at a truly alarming rate, before the consumer ran off back to the library. Usually, Remus would admire such dedication, but instead, he found himself concerned as to what could make his friends behave so strangely.

Finally, he got sick of being in the dark, and cornered an unsuspecting Peter in the Common Room, under the premise of helping him with his homework.

"So... Peter..." Remus began, casually, "haven't seen much of Sirius and James lately. Have you?"

"Er... no more or less than usual," said Peter, mildly, "so what's it with the Boil Potion? How many snake fangs?"

"Six, but Peter, they're always at the library! James and Sirius, _voluntarily_, at the library!"

"Maybe they're planning a really epic prank," Peter suggested.

"What makes you think that?" Remus shot.

Peter shrugged. "So do I crush the fangs?"

"To a fine powder, yes. They haven't said anything to you about it?"

"Nope. They usually ask me if they need me to keep watch for teachers, so they only tell me on the day." He neatly wrote in the next line of instructions. "Four measures. What measure?"

"I need to know what they're doing," announced Remus, unable to not know any more. "I'm going to the library. See you later, Peter."

-x~*~x-

Sirius Black was very proud of his sneakiness. He thought himself unparalleled. But then Remus found him and James in their hiding spot.

"Evening, chaps," said Remus. "This is a funny-looking library."

"It is indeed. You'll be wanting the one a few corridors away. Toodle-pip, Moony," said Sirius, trying to wave him off.

"Tell me what you're doing," Remus burst out, irritably.

"Sorry, Moony, classified information," said James.

"If it's some stupid prank, I don't care, OK? Just... please."

"Well..." Sirius pulled Remus into the broom cupboard with them, and sat him down on top of a large trunk. "Remus, don't get too excited, but... we've come up with an idea... to help with your..."

"Furry little problem," said James, helpfully.

"How?" Remus asked, curiously; all images of Hogwarts being charmed pink and yellow stripes were now squashed from his mind.

"Well, it started with your letter..."

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Biffy Clyro; Many of Horror

(-)

**Once again, I beg your thoughts of this chapter?**

**xxxx**


	19. Pumpkins scream

**The Mormfongs**

**Chapter 18's reviewers: Russia Tashi Lupin, Marionetka, serinal, BraxtonWren, LoveLiterature, popcorn1001, Lupinus, TheButterflyCurse996, RuterDam, Love-Siriusly, Pwwb, BabyBlueSparrow, Sapphire Leo, brilliant incandescence, Sparkling Soul, Awsomazing11, Kimmimaru, Raven-of-the-forests, Sorn The Lucifer's Angel, GixieChic... oh you're all so lovely!**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER.**

**This chapter is for Sapphire Leo, for her intriguing review :)**

_This is Halloween, pumpkins scream in the dead of night_

(-)

Sirius Black was under the impression that Remus Lupin was humouring him.

"What an interesting idea," said Remus, his eyebrow quirked and his lips twitching enigmatically.

Sirius's eyes narrowed into silver slits. "Are you laughing at us?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"Certainly not. I mean, it's perfectly possible for three thirteen year-olds to become Animagi. Legally, of course."

"Well..."

Remus sighed. "Grown, exceptionally powerful wizards have died from trying this, Sirius. It's a fine idea, but even if you do manage it, who's to say that it would work?"

"But, Rem, it would!" said James. "We're your pack! We'd be a proper pack!"

"James... Thank you, and I wish that that could be true, but I can't let you. You're all just going to hurt yourselves, and I don't want that on my conscience. The thought of you three being my friends makes it easier than before, anyway."

Sirius avoided eye-contact with Remus, who tried to lure him in with wide, pleading toffee orbs.

"Right," said James, heavily. "Just a thought. Maybe when we're seventeen, huh?"

"If the idea still appeals," said Remus, with a small smile. "Right... um... that cleared up, I have to go to the library. Any books for either of you?"

"No, thanks," said James.

"Sirius?" Remus prompted.

"No."

Remus smiled at the sullen look on the young Black's face, and backed out of the broom cupboard. "See you in the common room, then."

"Bye, Rem."

"See you."

Remus closed the door softly.

"Say, Sirius?"

"Yes, Jamie?"

"We... We are still doing this, right?" said James.

"Of course," said Sirius, as though the idea of giving up was simply ridiculous. "But more discreetly, as Rem doesn't want to get his hopes up, apparently."

"Quite."

-x~*~x-

All the Marauders but Sirius had elected to do Divination.

Remus -who had had high hopes for the lesson- soon grew disappointed with the poor teaching and distinct lack of structure. Also, the fumes made it difficult for him to breath in the room.

Their teacher -Madam Bernardi- had previously lived in South Africa, and often told stories of her travels, which were the highlights of her lessons. Her knowledge of the subject was questionable at best.

Peter dozed off under the influence of the incense, but James had remained determined, and was telling Madam a complicated analysis of his tea leaves, to her mild amusement.

"The Earthworm; I need to go deep into my subconscious in order to unearth my hidden feelings and desires. And I think that might be a Stag, meaning; male sexuality and virility." James looked pleased with himself.

"But, James, you have the Wonky Cross; trials and suffering," said Remus, cheerfully pointing out the shape in the sludge.

"So," said James, his face screwed up in concentration, "that means, I need to go through a deep subconscious trial to uncover my secret desire, the object of the concentration of my male sexuality?"

"The route to love is veiled and secretive," said Madam, approvingly.

"But I like _her_," said James, pointing his thumb towards where Lily Evans was sat, scowling.

Madam Bernardi grimaced. "Trials and suffering, dear."

-x~*~x-

Sirius's birthday morning passed with much chocolate, cake, cactus feed, and a stack of advanced Transfiguration books, for Mr and Mrs Potter had been very happy to oblige James with some well-written titles of 'cool' Transfiguration, though he was warned that this was definitely seventh-year stuff.

Remus shot them a look quite like that which Professor McGonagall gave Sirius just before he was about to throw Peter's cactus out of the Transfiguration window.

"What?" Sirius demanded of Remus. "We want to turn the castle stripey for April Fools."

"Pink and yellow?"

Sirius paused. "Good idea, thanks, Rem."

Later, their Hogsmeade trip involved plenty of notes for their map, which was coming along very nicely indeed.

Naturally, all of Sirius's birthday money went on joke products from Zonkos, which lasted nearly a week. Professor McGonagall was almost on the verge of closing the shop down.

One of the products in particular -a Croaktail- caused hysteria in the Great Hall. James and Sirius managed to sneak it into the morning pumpkin juice, and it caused the whole of the Slytherin table to burp up a piece of frogspawn, which quickly evolved into dozens and dozens of frogs, which vacated the table, and hopped up to Moaning Myrtles bathroom to keep her company. Croaktails were then banned by Filch as a result.

Another week later, and Sirius surprised them all, by announcing that he was trying out as Beater for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. He surprised them further by getting in. James, of course, was delighted to have his best friend with him on the team.

"Of course, you'll have to obey me, as I'm higher on the pecking order than you," said James, admiring himself in his spoon at the breakfast table on the day of their first team practise.

"Bullshit, Potter. You'll have to listen to the wisdom of my years, being one hundred and seventy-four days the elder." Sirius tossed a grape high above his mouth, and caught it between his teeth with a doggy grin.

"Is that true?" James demanded, rather sceptically.

"Oh, would I lie to you, darling?" Sirius swallowed the grape and began to choke.

Remus murmured a charm, and Sirius smiled at him gratefully with watery eyes.

"Cheers, Rem." He popped another grape into his mouth, and stood up. "Come on, Potter. Stop faffing with that marmalade. We have bludgers to hit into people."

-x~*~x-

Sure enough, when their first game came around on the eve of Halloween, Sirius had grown to be an almost indispensible member of the team – loved by the Captain for his energy and enthusiasm, along with a good aim, and his popularity with most of Gryffindor House certainly helped with his easy acceptance into the much-wanted role of Beater.

As he strolled confidently onto the pitch with the rest of the team, he looked a lot less green than James had done. Sirius Black simply couldn't promote Slytherin colours, you see.

As a bludger made the first contact with his bat, it was easy to see why he had been picked for the team; straight into the Slytherin Chaser's hand, causing him to drop the Quaffle into James's waiting hands below.

-x~*~x-

"AHHHH!"

James sat up straight, his limbs aching and his head now pounding. "Sirius?" he forced his sleep-weary tongue to say.

"REMUS LUPIN! GET OUT HERE!"

Remus sighed, and emerged from the bathroom, smelling clean and minty from his shower. "What did I do?"

Sirius waved his arms at the window sill, on which Remus had placed several pumpkins that he had carved the night before, whilst James and Sirius had joined the sixth and seventh year celebration party in the common room. "Let me see... well, waking up to seven carved pumpkins staring down at you really scares the shit out of you."

James popped his head out of his bed hangings, and peered at the pumpkins. They were indeed staring at Sirius, and most of them had quite frightening expressions. "They're pretty cool, Rem."

"Thanks. Homemade pumpkin juice, anyone? I recycled the pulp." Remus held up the pitcher of slightly off-coloured, lumpy liquid.

"Looks more like pumpkin vomit than pumpkin juice," muttered Sirius, irritably.

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Danny Elfman; This Is Halloween

(-)

**Thoughts?**

xxxx


	20. Protest too much

**The Mormfongs**

**My apologies for the delay! Mormfongs are stubborn little things that don't want to be written...  
><strong>

**Chapter 19's reviewers: owl-eats-waffles, RahRahReplica, ThePacificIslander, TheButterflyCurse996, lunesolei, GixieChic, serinal, Quill Scribblings, brilliant incandescence, Sapphire Leo, Sparkling Soul, BabyBlueSparrow, popcorn1001, Chance13, Raven-of-the-forests, livi harkness, and Awsomazing11. You are simply too gorgeous for mere words :3  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, PRAISE HER.**

_Oh, I think the lady did protest too much; she wouldn't take the flower from my hand_

__(-)

Christmas was upon them so quickly that there was a last-minute purchase of presents, often in-front of each other, at Hogsmeade. As always, they had all elected to remain at Hogwarts over the holidays, as had Lily Evans, much to James's delight.

Presents were exchanged as soon as the sun began to peep up over the snowy horizon, over several pots of the Earl Grey tea that Remus's parents had sent him.

"Delightful," said James, coldly, as he unwrapped Sirius's gift of a t-shirt emblazoned with the words: _Arrogant Mule_. He threw an enormous present wrapped clumsily in old scrap parchment at his best friend.

Sirius eagerly ripped off the paper. It was a life-size toy dog. "Brilliant. What shall we call him?"

"Slug?" James suggested, still glaring at his new t-shirt.

"Derek?" Remus said, with a smirk.

"Does he look like a Derek?" Sirius asked, observing the dog closely. "I suppose he could be." He passed a gingerbread decoration book to Peter, and a parcel containing two bookends to Remus. Only, they were shaped like ferocious wolves.

"Curious," said Remus, standing up to place them on his shelves. They didn't quite blend in well with the teapot collection.

James gave Remus a soft wool jumper with a hedgehog-shaped motif where the pocket would have been. Remus pulled it on over his pyjama shirt.

Peter tossed three identically sized and wrapped presents to their respective owners. Three scarves, gold and scarlet, with '_Marauder_' stitched onto the trim.

"Better than the cactuses, Petey," said Sirius, wrapping his around Derek's neck.

Peter blushed.

Remus passed James a package containing a bright yellow beanie hat, with white ear-flaps.

James pulled it on, smushing his hair down, and Remus tapped it with his wand. The ear-flaps started beating up and down, giving the impression that James had a massive Snitch taking over his head. "Cool!" He passed a badly wrapped mug to Peter, with the slogan: '_Give me the cupcakes and no one gets hurt'._

Remus passed a neatly wrapped book to Sirius, _A Christmas Carol_, along with a large box of dark chocolate, while Peter received a cushion with a cactus design.

"Good haul this year," said James, contentedly, after pinching half of Sirius's chocolate.

"Shall we take Derek for walkies?" Sirius inquired.

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Sure, you lot go on. I have something to do," said James, ruffling his own hair where the hat had squashed it.

"Wouldn't be to do with a certain red-haired fireball, would it?" Sirius inquired, his grin reaching a terrifying size.

"Might be," said James, blushing Gryffindor colours.

"Did you get her a present?" Remus inquired, encouragingly.

"Oh. Yeah." James dived under his bed, and pulled out a slightly wilted flower.

Sirius burst out laughing, hanging onto Derek for support at the sight of James cheerfully clutching a droopy flower.

Remus smiled. "Go get her," he said, clueless to what men usually said to other men in the complex ritual of teenage dating.

James nodded, turned around in a determined fashion, and left the dorm.

Sirius laughed louder.

Peter snorted.

Remus clapped a hand over his mouth. "Shit. He's still wearing his pyjamas."

(-)

The Marauders earned a fair few odd stares as they went to breakfast later that morning. James and Sirius proudly led the way; Sirius carrying Derek, and James with the flower sticking out of his left nostril. Peter and Remus followed them at a slight distance, pretending not to know them.

They sat down in their usual seats, and loaded up their plates. After half an hour of mindless chatter and several accounts of how _Lily had actually held the flower for two whole seconds! _Sirius stood up, leaving Derek in Remus's care, and went over to the Slytherin table.

The entire Hall -including the teachers- watched with baited breath as Sirius approached his brother, pressed a small parcel into his hand, and said something to him quietly. Regulus smiled slightly in response. Sirius sat down opposite him.

"Bloody weird seeing him there," muttered Peter.

"Everyone else seems to think so, too," said Remus, quietly observing the people shamelessly watching the Black brothers. "What are they expecting, World War 3?"

"Most likely." James finally yanked the flower out of his nose. "Shit, that hurt."

"I'm not surprised," said Remus. "So, did she use a spell or just brute force?"

(-)

The lack of students milling around the castle made it much simpler to get on with making their Marauder's Map. Only the ghosts looked at them oddly when they started measuring the staircases.

"Fourteen by... five... thirty-three of them. Angled at... eighty-nine..." James jolted with a yelp as the staircase started moving.

Remus sat with his legs dangled over the end of the staircase, a quill in his hand, writing down his measurements. "Say, James?"

"Yes, Moony?"

"Any idea where Sirius went?" Remus inquired, making another note on a piece of parchment.

"Detention, the fool," said James, cautiously making his way along the staircase.

"It's the holidays! How on Earth did he manage that?"

"He tried to paint a bunch of House Elves blue. I mean, honestly..."

"Who's he in detention with?"

"Flitwick." James muttered a spell, and his magical tape measure coiled up perfectly. He pocketed it. "Oh, there he is."

Sirius leapt across the gaps in the staircases to reach them, landing in a sprawl beside Remus. "Got another one tomorrow."

"Is it just lines?" James asked.

"Yep." Sirius took a scroll of parchment from his school bag. "_House Elves are not Smurfs, so should not be painted as such_. Such a spoilsport."

"Why have you got another?" Remus inquired.

Sirius grinned a little sheepishly. "Changed Flitwick's name on his study door."

"To what?" James asked, already smiling.

"I changed his first name to 'Yoda'. I don't think he saw the funny side."

Remus swatted Sirius's head.

Later, they toasted marshmallows on the Common Room fire. In other words, Remus and Sirius performed the procedure correctly, whilst Peter simply ate them directly from the bag, and James's fell off into the flames as he gazed dumbly at Lily Evans.

"Good Christmas?" Remus inquired of Sirius, as he popped the last marshmallow into his mouth.

Sirius's lips lifted. "Good Christmas." He turned to Peter. "You'd better have saved a couple for Derek, Petey."

Peter choked on the last marshmallow.

(-)

Mormfongs: [**Mo**ony Wo**rm**tail Pad**fo**ot Pro**ngs**]

Natasha Bedingfield; We're All Mad

(-)

**Thoughts?**

xxxx


End file.
